Some Tears

Ellika slammed into her gilt and white study, making Iddie jump. The tall ladies maid hurried over to take her mistress's wrap. "What's amiss, your highness? You're home late, did you get your tea? Shall I order you something?" Iddie bundled the huge wrap up in her long arms and walked off to the bedchamber and the dressing room beyond with it, Ellika stomping behind.

"I shan't want any tea, nor dinner either!" Ellika tore off her fichu and began working on the hooks of her bodice. "Come help me out of this thing, I'm freezing. I want my plain gray muslin."

"Oh, dear, did it not go well, miss?" murmured Iddie, picking up the discarded lace fichu with a completely unsurprised demeanor.

"No, it did not," snapped Ellika, "and I should very much appreciate it if you didn't say 'I told you so.'"

"I should never say such a thing," said Iddie meekly.

"No, you wouldn't, you sweetheart," said Ellika, taking her maid's hands impulsively. "You are a dear, and you did tell me so, but ever so gently. I could never be mad at you, Iddie, ever!" She pressed Iddie's slender hands to her face and burst into tears.

"Oh, miss!" said Iddie, guiding her to the little tufted settee in the dressing room. She knelt down next to her and handed her a handkerchief. "There, now, don't cry, you get so upset when your eyes puff up. Tell me what happened."

"It was awful!" sobbed Ellika. "He--he laughed at me!"

"Oh, surely not!" soothed Iddie, producing another handkerchief and taking the soaked one from her mistress. "Who laughed at you?"

"Issak! He said I was an adorable idiot!"

"Oh miss," chuckled Iddie in spite of herself, "you are adorable, but you're not an idiot. And I would wager that the Holy One doesn't think you're an idiot, either, just very young."

"I'm almost as old as he is!" said Ellika, drying her eyes with a very put out air.

"Yes, but he has been training for his position for a very long time, and you joined the temple not six months ago. You knew he would tell you no, your highness, even if you weren't royalty. You haven't completed your devotional training yet. How much of your training have you completed, if I may ask, miss?"

Ellika looked downcast and guilty. "Almost none of it." At Iddie's raised eyebrow, she continued defensively, "Well, I've been busy! The season's just ending! How is one supposed to show up at the Temple early on a Neyaday morning when one has spent Nerrday dancing into the wee hours? It cannot be done!" she said decisively. "I defy anyone to do it!"

"To be sure, miss," smiled Iddie.

"One good thing, though, and I know you won't tell," and here Ellika's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper: "Issak kissed me!"

"No, miss!" said Iddie, her eyes wide.

"Yes!" said Ellika with an irrepressible bounce. "And it was everything I hoped a first kiss would be!"

"That's very good luck, your highness, a first kiss from an Embodiment!"

"I know!" crowed Ellika. "Now help me out of this flimsy cotton, I'll just put on a nice cozy wrap for now and you can bring me up some tea. I'll have the soft blue silk with the leaf jacquard pattern at dinner. It contrasts so nicely with my skin tone. Wonder what Cook is serving tonight?"

"I shall find out, your highness," said Iddie, smiling to herself at Ellika's restored appetite. She wondered at Issak kissing the princess, but then, he was a Holy One. Iddie just hoped Ellika wouldn't launch herself at him.

Meanwhile, the Holy One himself lay shirtless on one of his sitting room couches, his head cradled on a dark lap while long pale fingers stroked his thick black hair. "You kissed her?" said a cool voice. "Are you sure that was wise?"

Issak gave a tiny shrug. "It's what I do, you know."

"Yes, dear boy, I do know. I helped train you," said the Teacher with a faint smile. "Don't you think one sibling in love with you is enough?"

"Temmin isn't in love with us, nor is Ellika--not yet, at any event. I couldn't turn her away like that without giving her something, you have to see that. She was extremely upset."

"And not likely to remain so for long. I'd wager right now she's mostly concerned with what to wear to dinner. Ellika is quite young and easily distracted most of the time."

"D'you know, though," said Issak, sitting up, "she would make a very good Beloved, were her father to give permission. She'd have to wait until she'd grown up quite a bit more before we could accept her, but she has the knack. She can see into people's hearts, when she bothers to look past her own. The princess is quite spoiled, Teacher, though I suppose she can't help it and she really is a darling in spite of it. It was actually more difficult than I expected to leave it at just the one kiss."

"She's been petted all her life, and she'll continue to be petted to some degree the rest of her life, depending on who we marry her off to. No, I don't think the Temple is where she will end up for good and all," continued the Teacher. "Though for now, Issak, I need you to make sure she gets her devotional training well under way. I suggest that you put her on Hearth duty with one of the Postulants. Perhaps were she to see some real suffering, it would become clear to her what the rest of the world is like, and that she should be happy with what she has."

Issak looked slightly surprised. "We can do that. When do you want her to begin?"

"Immediately. I want her occupied and out of the way when King Brinnid arrives."

"And I suppose I don't need to know why."

"I have the good of the Tremontine people in mind, and to bring it about, I do what I must. I tell you what you need to know, when you need to know it, child." The Teacher affectionately brushed Issak's hair from his face.

"What I should really like to know," said Issak, capturing the hand, "is why you never let us please you, not once, not ever. Never more than this," he added, kissing the palm.

The Teacher cradled Issak's beautiful face. "And that's more than I let anyone else do. There's a secret for you."

Issak looked deep into the gray eyes. Before he could be stopped, he took possession of the Teacher's sensuous mouth in a passionate kiss. "There's one for you," he said huskily.

"Oh, Issak," said the Teacher after a pause. "Don't do that again. Promise me, or I cannot allow us the private time we have now."

Issak pulled away. "I would ask if my kiss is that distasteful," he said stiffly, "but I know better."

"It's not that I don't want you to kiss me. It is more that I do not allow myself to be touched in that way. Do you see the difference? If you promise me you won't try that again, though, we can continue on as we have. Promise me, Issak."

"Do I have to?" he asked, eyes bright.

"Yes. I've already had to have this conversation with Allis, if it's any help."

He blinked hard. "Then I suppose I shall have to promise as well. I promise. Just don't leave us."

"I would never leave you," soothed the Teacher, pulling Issak close, back to chest. "But I cannot allow the intimacy we do have if you keep pressing for more."

Issak felt a kiss pressed into his hair and closed his eyes against a tear. "We love you so, Teacher. You've given us--everything!"

"I love you, too. I love all my students, you and Allis in particular."

"Then why won't--"

A long finger silenced him. "You promised."

Issak lapsed into silence. He felt the Teacher's fingers gently rubbing his temples, then moving down to his broad shoulders. "Please," he wept. He crawled into the Teacher's lap and burrowed his head into the black robes covering the neat suit; they gave off a scent of lemon peel and sandalwood, but underneath, he smelled something dusty, ancient and almost feral--something compelling and frightening at the same time. "Please!"

The Teacher stroked his hair and rocked him. "Please, what? What do you want, that you can have?"

"Whatever you will give me!" sobbed Issak.

"You can have anything from anyone, why do you need this from me?"

"Because I do!" he cried brokenly. "Because I do..."

"Ssshh," soothed the Teacher. "There, now. I want nothing from you but your presence. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to be anything, you don't have to please me, just be here with me."

Issak stayed on the Teacher's lap, his tears finally subsiding into a shuddering, and then a stillness. When Allis came in an hour later they were still on the couch, the Teacher tenderly cradling her brother as he slept. She crawled up on the couch and put her head on the Teacher's free shoulder, tucking her arm in beside her twin; no one spoke for a very long time.

Allis's hold loosened as she fell asleep; eventually she curled up on the couch next to the Teacher, not even waking as she did so. When Issak was deposited next to her, more like a child than a grown man, they fitted themselves to one another and slumbered on. Allis was tucked under Issak's chin, her back to his chest, his arms surrounding her and one leg slung protectively over hers. She clasped his hands and murmured, but didn't wake.

The Teacher looked down on them for a moment, expression flitting between troubled and affectionate, before turning to the mirror. "Show me my study," came the quiet command. When the twins woke up much later, dopey from sleep, hungry from missing dinner but somehow feeling much better, they were alone.