Prologue | An Intimate History of the Greater Kingdom

Prologue: Potential

In the Year of Our Kings 1000

It was the night of his coronation as King of Tremont, Emperor of the Southern Territories of Inchar and Defender of the Gods. Temmin's chamber windows looked out onto the lawns of Tremont Keep and on into the King's Woods, but he saw himself reflected in the pane of glass as the day's light faded. He was no longer the shaggy blond youth he had been when he'd first come to the Keep. His hair was a darker color, approaching bronze, and a fine set of whiskers framed his face. His shoulders were broad, and so was his chest. His legs were long, thighs hardened from campaigning on horseback, and his blue eyes were calm and discerning.

At the sound of a familiar step, Temmin turned. "You asked for me, your majesty?" said a figure dressed severely in black and white.

"Ten years I've been your student, and you still look the same, Teacher."

"That would be because I am still the same, your majesty," replied Teacher, making a long, graceful bow.

"No, you never change." He walked back into the room from the bay of windows. "Please," he said, gesturing to a seat and settling into a great tufted leather chair himself. "You know why I've asked you to see me tonight."

"Yes," said Teacher softly. "This is the night my heart breaks again."

Long before Temmin's coronation, just after men began reckoning years from the day the first Temmin, called the Great, died, Tremont Keep was still just a small stone fortress built high into the living rock of Chief’s Mountain, the largest of the three that gave the Three Mountains Clan its name. The forest around it had just been named the King's Woods, for kings were new in Three Mountains.

In these woods was a little sapling, and to this sapling one day came a figure in long black robes. On this little sapling was a spot where a knot would one day form, and to this spot the black-robed one affixed a little silver mirror. Long, pale fingers sketched a glowing gold sign over it, and then the figure disappeared in a swirl through the mirror itself.

Spokes passed, then decades, and then centuries--almost ten of them. The clan of Three Mountains grew, and became Tremont, named for the family that still ruled it. The sapling grew as well into a mighty tree, and the knothole grew around the mirror until it was hidden inside. Still, if you knew to look for it, you could see yourself inside the knothole--but only if you knew to look for it, and few did. The mirror never faded, nor did it crack; it remained as shiny as the day it was made. The tree never caught fire, nor did it rot from the inside, and no axe ever touched it. The eyes of woodsmen would slide over it, as if it weren’t there at all.

It was at this mirror inside the knothole that a gray eye peered in increasing irritation this evening of the 12th of Spring’s Beginning in the Year of Our Kings 990. The mirror misted over; the owner of the eye stepped back. A swirling mass passed through the mirror, out the knothole, and coalesced into a handsome young man with rusty hair and pale blue eyes.

“You do take your time, don’t you?” said the figure in black.

“When you have all the time there is, why not use it, Teacher?” replied the young man, grinning lazily. He walked up to where Teacher had built a fire. “It’s his birthday tomorrow, isn’t it?” he said idly, kicking the end of a log in the fire.

“Whose birthday?” said Teacher.

“Prince Temmin, the Heir, of course. Who did you think I meant?”

Teacher stepped closer to the fire to warm hands chillier than usual. “Yes. Sixteen. He comes of age tomorrow, and then we’ll see what we’ll see.”

“Do you really think he’s the one?” said the young man.

“I don’t know yet, Connin,” Teacher sighed. “I won’t until he’s here, and he won’t be here for three days. All this work, all these years. He could be the one--or not. He could be just like the rest of them, or he could be the one we’ve been waiting for.”

“You’ve been waiting for,” snorted Connin. “Me, I’m not so sure.”

“You’re not tired?” said Teacher.

“Not in the least,” grinned Connin. “I like being immortal. Then again, I have a few advantages you do not.”
Teacher glowered into the fire. “You would sacrifice your mother, then, because you still love whoring and drinking?”

Connin pressed his lips together and looked over Teacher’s shoulder, as if mastering his temper. “Listen,” he finally said, switching tacks. “What are these Tremonts like? Really like?”

“You know very well. Selfish,” answered Teacher. “Callous. Greedy. Power-hungry. Not all of them, to be sure, but even the best of them put himself first and almost everyone else second. The best of them thought of it as being for the good of the kingdom, not themselves, but in the end, it all came down to their own glory, their own possessions.”

“And yet you’ve told me more than once that you’ve loved all of your students.”

“I love you, miserable boy,” said Teacher ruefully, “even though you’ve given me cause to feel otherwise.”

“Of course you love me,” said Connin, waving one hand. “But why do you love them?”

Teacher poked at the fire with a stick for a long time. “Potential. They have so much potential, the Tremont men. Ambitious, driven, energetic, intelligent--few of them were lazy, and fewer still were stupid. I keep thinking, maybe this one, maybe this time, even though the Gods said we’d have to wait a thousand years. All of them, even the worst of them, had it in him to be great, and in fact at times they were great. The prophecy told us to wait for ‘the golden sun of Whithorse, lover and beloved of the land,’ but really, that could mean so many things...” Teacher trailed off.

“What makes you think they deserve to have the magic back, that they’ll do better with it now, that this Temmin is any better than the first one?” said Connin quietly.

“I don’t think that, necessarily,” Teacher muttered. “I honestly don’t know yet. But he fits the prophecies. He seems to have a conscience, from what I’m told and what I’ve been able to observe. I made sure he stayed at Whithorse with his mother, far from the influence of the capital. He is more his mother’s son than his father’s, even though his bloodline is so much closer to the first Temmin than any of his predecessors.”

“Good breeding,” smirked Connin, “rather like me.”

“And look what use you’ve put it to,” said Teacher, reaching over and gently cuffing Connin on the ear. “Go on, then. Take the message to your mother. When will she be here?”

“A few days at most--probably around the same time as the prince.”

“Tell her--well, she knows,” said Teacher sadly. “Once she arrives, I’ll pass messages to you by way of Sedra, then,” said Teacher, walking to the tree with the mirror in the knothole.

Connin watched Teacher swirl into the mirror and disappear. “Oh, I look foward to it,” he smiled.

Many miles away, at an estate called Whithorse in the duchy of the same name, the young prince himself was sitting comfortably on a straw bale against the brick wall of the stables with his best friend, Alvo. “Say, d’you plan on drinking that whole thing yourself?” said Temmin irritably.

Alvo passed the flask of wuisc over. “Be careful, Tem, you’re not used to drinking this stuff.”

Temmin pushed his golden hair off his forehead and snorted. “If I’m going to the Keep, I need to learn how to drink it, don’t I?”

“I don’t know about that,” said Alvo uncomfortably.

Temmin took a choking swallow and grimaced. “Besides, it’s my last night at home. I don’t want to go to the Keep. I really don’t want to go. Why do I have to go? Why can’t I stay here in Whithorse and just--I don’t know, breed horses for the family?”

“Don’t gulp it, sip it,” said Alvo. “You have to go because you’re the Heir, the only boy.”

“And don’t I wish it were Sedra, not me. She’s the oldest, and the smartest. She should be the Heir. But she can’t because she’s just a girl,” said Temmin. “Here’s a thought--you go to the Keep and deal with my father, and I’ll stay here and take your job.” He passed the flask back.

Alvo took a sip. “You’re in the stables enough to be mistaken for a groom, but somehow I don’t think His Majesty would mistake us one for the other.”

In truth, if you saw them sitting there, you’d be hard pressed at first sight to know which was the prince and which the groom. Both wore the same tweed jackets with the elbows nearly out, the same fawn-colored breeches, the same scuffed-up work boots. But if size implied nobility, then the golden-haired one was definitely the prince. Temmin was tall for his age, and looked older than 16. Though he was still gangly, his body held the promise of great strength and power. Alvo was shorter though already stocky, with unruly brown hair sticking out from a disreputable tweed cap.

Temmin gestured for the flask again, and Alvo reluctantly gave it to him. “I wish you could stay,” Alvo said wistfully. “You promised me once you’d never leave Whithorse.”

“I did?” said Temmin, scratching his luxurious sideburns.

“Mm,” said Alvo, taking back the flask. “You were almost asleep and it was a long time ago. But you did.”

“You knew I’d have to go when I turned 16, why’d you make me promise such a thing?” said Temmin in tipsy annoyance. “I hate breaking promises.”

“It’s all right,” said Alvo, taking his friend’s hand. “I knew you’d have to go when you came of age.” Alvo looked down at their joined hands, both tan from the sun, rough and short-nailed; Temmin looked off blankly toward the hedge alley that led to the main courtyard, his head slightly wobbling. “But I still don’t want you to go. I love you, Tem,” whispered Alvo.

“I love you, too, Alvy,” answered Temmin, looking over at his best friend with a lopsided grin, then back out into the night.

“No, not like that,” said Alvo more urgently, “I mean--”

“Ssh!” whispered Temmin loudly. “I hear something.” He struggled to his feet, wavering, and listened again. “Someone’s in the alley!” A sound came clearly to them, then--the light laughter of a young woman, cut off by a breathy groan. Temmin wavered to his feet. “I’m going to see what’s going on.”

“Tem!” whispered Alvo, getting to his feet as well and taking up the lantern by the straw bale. “You don’t know who’s there!”

“That’s what I want to find out!” said Temmin. He lurchingly tiptoed to the hedges, then gave up subtlety altogether and barged into the alley, an exasperated Alvo on his heels. Before them in the alley were two servants, a junior footman and a maid. His trousers were open, and her bodice was undone; his hands cupped her breasts, white and rose against the dark green of her livery. “Who would you two be?” said Temmin, drawing himself up as steadily as he could, and staring at the girl’s bosom.

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, I’m sorry!” said the footman. His girl tried to hide her face in his chest, but he pushed her away.

“I don’t recognize either of you,” said Temmin.

“I do,” said Alvo. “They serve Her Grace, your great-grandmother, at Meadow House.”

“Begging your pardon, sir,” said the footman, voice shaking. “I’m Dormus.”

“And you?” said Temmin.

“Mattisanis, sir, but everyone calls me Mattie,” said the miserable girl, covering herself as best she could.

“Arms to the side, both of you, and stand up straight!” said Temmin harshly.

“Temmin!” hissed Alvo, but the prince ignored him.

The girl dropped her arms, baring her breasts again; tears slid down her face, and Temmin watched, fascinated, as one trailed down her neck to her collarbone. “You, Dormus,” said Temmin, swaying on his feet. “D’you like your job?”

“Yes, sir!” said Dormus, almost in tears himself.

“Then fuck off!” said Temmin. Dormus immediately ran back through the hedge alley toward Meadow House, fastening himself up as he fled. Mattie turned to follow, but Temmin slurred, “Where d’you think you’re going!” She pulled up, and her tears turned to sobs.

“Temmin, what are you doing!” cried Alvo, nearly dropping the lantern in dismay.

“Alvo, I--am--a prince,” said Temmin, over-pronouncing every word. “And yet. I have never seen a pretty, naked girl, not even a little naked! Not even an ugly, naked girl--or a pretty girl who--who isn’t naked! Pagg’s Balls, Alvy!” he yelled. “You know what Mama’s like, only spinsters and widows in the house--no ‘sluts and hussies,’ and she thinks any good-looking woman under the age of 80 is a slut! This is the prettiest girl who’s ever been near the estate, and she’s obviously all right with men touching her! She lets junior footmen touch her, and I’m a--a--and how often do I pull rank anyway? Gods, I’m allowed once in a while! Listen--Mattie, is it?” he said, stumbling back to the terrified girl, who nodded. “Right. Are you scared, Mattie? Don’t be scared of us, we aren’t going to hurt you,” said Temmin. “What are you scared of?”

“That--that I’ll be sacked, sir!” sobbed Mattie. “That you’ll tell Mr Crokker, and he’ll fire me!”

“‘S a’right, Mattie,” he soothed. “You like your job?”

“I need my job, sir!” she managed to get out.

“You like your young man, what he does to you?” She didn’t answer. “You’re very pretty, Mattie, I’d say even beautiful,” said Temmin, running a wobbly finger under her chin. And she was. The unsteady light from the lantern revealed almond-shaped hazel eyes fringed with long, black lashes, and luxurious dark brown hair in a very disarrayed bun; her mouth was a tempting pink, and her flushed cheeks felt like a soft peach under his fingers. “You want to keep your job. A’right, then. If you kiss us, I won’t tell Crokker we found you with your dress undone and a footman’s hands all over you. A’right? Your choice. Give us a kiss each, and we won’t tell.”

“I don’t want to kiss her!” exclaimed Alvo. “Temmin, leave her alone! When you sober up--”

“So don’t kiss her,” growled Temmin. “A’right, Mattie?” The girl shut her eyes tight and nodded, and Temmin kissed her. It was a sort of a kiss, at any rate; it was slobbery and not so much on the mouth as somewhere in the general vicinity of the mouth. He slipped his hands into her bodice and fumbled at her breasts, squeezing and pinching--and then pulled away, choking. He managed to say “Alvy?” just before he dropped to his knees and threw up on the fine gravel of the alley.

Alvo put the lantern down and put his arm around the sick prince. He turned back to Mattie, who stood wide-eyed with one hand wiping her mouth, the other holding her bodice closed. “This isn’t him. I’m sorry about this, nothing will happen to you, I swear it. Just go!” he said urgently. Mattie nodded and ran toward Meadow House as fast as she could, her dark green skirt and white petticoats fanning out behind her. Temmin heaved a few times more, then sat back, gasping. “Are you done?” said Alvo.

Temmin nodded. “I think so. Oh, gods.” Alvo moved to help him up, but Temmin held up one hand and stood on his own. He looked around blearily. “Where’s the girl?”

“She’s gone, Tem,” said Alvo harshly. “I sent her home.”

“What did you do that for!” yelled Temmin. “She was going to let me kiss her some more!”

“No, she wasn’t.” Alvo reached up and grabbed Temmin by the ear; the prince let out an outraged squawk, but followed. Alvo dragged him to the horse trough, abruptly stuck Temmin’s head in the water, and swished him back and forth.

“What did you do that for?!” sputtered Temmin when Alvo released him.

“To sober you up, stupidhead! You stink of vomit and wuisc!”

“I’ve told you and told you it’s dangerous to call a prince ‘stupidhead!’” yelled Temmin.

“I don’t care! When you act like a stupidhead, I’m going to call you a stupidhead--stupidhead!” Alvo yelled back. “What are you going to do, execute me or something?”

Temmin stared him down, water dripping from his forelock into the trough. He drew himself up as tall as he could. “Maybe I will!”

Alvo set his feet and puffed himself up. “You and what army!”

Temmin dropped his martial stance and put his hands on his hips. “Alvy, you know very well I actually have an army!”

Alvo grimaced, trying to hold onto his anger, but it wasn’t any use.

Eventually, they picked themselves up off the ground, exhausted from laughing too hard and drinking too much, and made their way back to the straw bale. “I forgot the lantern in the alley,” sighed Alvo, bumping his head against the bricks of the stable.

“‘S a’right. Nothing to see now, anyway, since you sent the half-naked girl away,” grumbled Temmin.

“Temmin, that was a really bad thing you tried to do back there.”

“What was so bad about it? She said yes, and she’d let that footman do a lot more to her than what I did, I’d bet.” Alvo opened his mouth, but Temmin held up a finger. “You’re just not going to win this one, Alvy, so drop it. Where’s the flask gotten to?”

“No,” said Alvo firmly. “No, no and no.”

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TheBoy's picture

Very nice.

Embodiment

Jawdropping!
Love the new open.


MeiLin's picture

thanks!

Most High

I'm surprised there aren't more comments! Smiling I wanted you guys to see what we're paying for.


Stormy's picture

I very,

Postulant

very much like this opening. I think it does give a much better feel for the story. And it gets you into the characters of Temmin and the Teacher enough to be curious w/o the feel of exposition.

Bravo Smiling


Capriox's picture

I liked the original better.

Embodiment

I liked the original better. That probably says more about my stubbornness than anything though. I did like the stitched together bonus stories as a prelude, though. Maybe it's just my usual ire at alcohol and those who consume it.

Poor Alvy.


Andrea's picture

Wow, this is really good! I

Postulant

Wow, this is really good! I liked the original too, though. Is the original going away forever, or is it still going to be included elsewhere? I liked knowing that at the end of the series we might find out more about Teacher. Of course, if you don't want us to be thinking about that then leaving it out might be better.


eDreamer's picture

I like the stark contrast

I like the stark contrast between Temmin as we know him "now" (in the most recent chapter) and the Temmin back then. Driven home in the text itself by Teacher's high hopes for him, contrasted with his behavior just afterwards. By beginning with boorish Prince Temmin rather than Temmin the just-crowned King, I expect that Temmin's metamorphosis will be quite apparent.

I am somewhat unsure, though, whether a new reader, unfamiliar with Temmin, would be put off by his behavior and be unable to identify with him. After all, the story I originally read begins with Temmin as prince-just-crowned-King -- a fantasy any fan of fantasy fiction is used to identifying with. The boorish spoiled prince that Temmin at first appears to be seems more like an antagonist than a protagonist, though I know that will change. But in order to make sure that the identification and interest in the story remain strong, I'd recommend that once you have the first book in a finished form (publishable, though not yet finalized), you pass the manuscript out to one or more prereaders who had never before been exposed to it. I expect that this can be done, but it might be a good idea to get the impression of a fresh set of eyes.


MeiLin's picture

I intend to

Most High

I have a few already lined up.


V's picture

Worth it for a new perspective

Embodiment

But personally, right now I kinda prefer the old. I really liked the old prologue, the "this is the night my heart breaks again" bit, but I understand how the first story, in particular, provides a little more background and gets us out into it. My personal gripe is about the 3x "long" in the first sentence coming off a mite cliched and the way Temmin's character starts on a low note, not a high one--but then, maybe the rewrite will make him a bit less fortunate in that regard. That could be interesting--prompt as much discussion about his own motivations as Harsin's


MeiLin's picture

We have to have a starting point with Temmin

Most High

Remember how whiny Luke Skywalker was when we meet him? Wanted to smack that boy. Temmin has to have some place to go. He can't start out good and get "gooder." Smiling


V's picture

I sure do.

Embodiment

Uncle Owen, I know I'm on probation. I cleaned the droids, can I go to Tosche Station? I got a layaway on a power converter, but now you're treating me like a scruffy nerf herder...

Star Wars Gangsta Rap originalish flavor, or remake by the original artists that I like less.


kawaiikune's picture

True...

Embodiment

but I almost feel like his growth from a point that low isn't as tough or painful as I would expect it to be to get from there to where we see him. I agree he can't start out good and get "gooder", but I don't know if he can start out this bad and get as good as he is. He seems to grow up a lot and become a lot more contemplative in just three days or one day, or however long passes between then and when we see him on the train. If this weren't the night before he was leaving, I might feel better about it, but I feel like he must have grown some between here and when we meet him. He sounds very young here.


The Which's picture

He did grow up a lot

Supplicant

... he sobered up Eye-wink


V's picture

Just wait...

Embodiment

We haven't seen him on the train, yet, either. I suspect the book will feature Bad!Temmin more prominently as a broad theme. Still lots of good, but a "redemption" story on more levels, including Temmin. There's little glory in being good if you're just acting as you were raised and are, instead of fighting impulses, learning lessons, etc. Now I kinda liked Good!Temmin as a counterpoint to the serious themes, and saw it more of a redemption of the kingdom/royal line than of Temmin, but...we shall see.

I'm BAD Temmin and you're GOOD Temmin! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!

*BOOM*

Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun.


MeiLin's picture

Teacher says somewhere in book one...

Most High

...in reference to Gill and Meg,

Spoiler: Highlight to view
"Good people can do bad things, and bad people can do good things." If you'll recall, both Gill and Meg thought their actions completely rational. So does Temmin. Temmin is a good person who's done a bad thing.

We should probably be using spoiler tags, kids, since many new readers (I hope) will be looking at this...


V's picture

Oops

Embodiment

And since we can't edit replied-to comments, guess whose to-do list just grew? >.<


kawaiikune's picture

Oh, Ash.

Embodiment

There's little glory in being good if you're just acting as you were raised and are, instead of fighting impulses, learning lessons, etc.

I like that. I was reading something once, and someone was confused about why another character was proud of his innate intelligence. They asked something along the lines of "why would you take pride in something you can't help? If there is anything you should be proud of, it should be something you worked hard to achieve." I can't remember what that was (and I really really wish I could so if anyone knows what I'm talking about, I would love to know), but I thought it was an interesting point.
I think there might be some glory in being good if that's how you're raised. I think anyone who sacrifices something to do the right thing *is* fighting an impulse to do something selfish. I do see your point, though.


V's picture

Fair enough

Embodiment

There's little drama tho, which is more to my intent.


BCT's picture

I have to say, I much

Devotee

I have to say, I much preferred the original. The first half of this prologue gives too much away, I feel like. I liked learning about the prophecy and learning about the Tremont line gradually, as part of the story. Here it's just handed to me. I also preferred learning about what happened to Mattie through Temmin's coming-to-grips.
In the original prologue and first few chapters, Temmin is still enough of an unknown that I want to read more. From this I'd be hard-pressed to want to read further, I'd already be disgusted with our Prince.


MeiLin's picture

the problem is that the slower pace put people off

Most High

The number one reason I was told people weren't reading past the prologue and first five chapters is that "nothing happens." My stats bear this out. Few people made it past the old prologue, fewer still went on to chapter one, and VERY few read chapter two.

ETA: That doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly go all breakneck. I ask you to trust me. Smiling


V's picture

All together now

Embodiment

...I believe! Laughing out loud


manoki's picture

I'll trust you

Supplicant

That reasoning you gave (with statistics! Eye-wink makes sense. After all, many of us started with the Emmae and Warrin story. I didn't even both with the Temmin story until I had finished with Emmae and Warrin and you said that was the end of them. I figured that if I needed my fix I'd have to plow through the Temmin stuff and hope for something good. Luckily, it was worth it. Smiling


TheBoy's picture

Twain

Embodiment

tells us that there are three kinds of lies.
Lies.
Damned lies.
and statistics.


V's picture

And he was right!

Embodiment

^^

78.3% of all statistics are made up on the spot.


TheBoy's picture

I take it you've learned

Embodiment

I take it you've learned rule 1 of hard science/engineering:

you can always "massage" the data.


manoki's picture

aka

Supplicant

TheBoy wrote:
you can always "massage" the data.

aka interpret. Sticking out tongue

Statistics get a bum rap.


The Which's picture

There is only so much

Supplicant

There is only so much manipulating you can do... I was determined to make my variables correlate for a school paper, but ne'er the two shall meet! I spent hours on SPSS trying to get p<.05


manoki's picture

you can't "make" things correlate! ;-)

Supplicant

But you can say "Theory argues that these two variables *should* be correlated. However, they are not in this dataset, possibly because of X, Y, and Z aspects of the data gathering process, etc."


The Which's picture

I refuse

Supplicant

to have a repeat of last nights discussion in which my imprecise language got me in trouble. That's sort of what I meant, I just type before I think sometimes. Puzzled Sticking out tongue


kawaiikune's picture

SPSS

Embodiment

What do you think about SPSS in general? I have a friend who is looking for statistics management software, and she is on a tight deadline, so she needs something that's good but easy to learn. Any recommendations?


manoki's picture

use STATA

Supplicant

SPSS is old and prefabricated, doesn't allow as much user control. If she's just learning for one project, then SPSS is fine, easy to learn and use, but for the long haul, STATA is much better, more adaptable.


TheBoy's picture

statistics...

Embodiment

are only as good as your data and design. I'm accustomed to disliking them. especially when people could've done better selection.


kawaiikune's picture

The rule 1 I learned...

Embodiment

was definitely hard science, and it definitely involved a lot of "massage", but I think most of the data remained untouched...unlike some other things. Evil


kawaiikune's picture

That...

Embodiment

is one of my favorite quotes ever Smiling


V's picture

Yup

Embodiment

The best part was dropping it with my mom and grandparents in the room. Sure 'nuff, my mom started contemplating "Wow...really...65.3%..." until her parents chuckled a bit.


MeiLin's picture

manoki

Most High

was one of my very first beta readers. She's been reading the story since before Temmin and Teacher were even thought of. Smiling


manoki's picture

what's with beta, anyhow?

Supplicant

I want to be an alpha! Why are there always beta tests of web things but never alpha or gamma? Thus said the statistician...!


The Which's picture

The writer...

Supplicant

Is the alpha! Eye-wink


V's picture

Yup

Embodiment

And I've even seen alpha testing for software, but it's uncommon. Generally alpha is so crude that things are changing daily and you can fully expect major pieces to be broken and missing. They rarely need outside help at that stage


kawaiikune's picture

It's true...

Embodiment

but what about gamma testing? How come we never get to do that?


MeiLin's picture

because, silly

Most High

...you end up like this guy!


kawaiikune's picture

hahahaha

Embodiment

omg, that is the most awesomely funny joke I've heard in a while. Thank you, hehe.


TheBoy's picture

quite. Nicely done, Mei.

Embodiment

quite. Nicely done, Mei.


MeiLin's picture

comes of a wasted childhood

Most High

reading comix and watching the really old Marvel short cartoons based on Jack Kirby's artwork. They ran on Captain Satellite's show in the Bay Area, and probably a few others I grew up with, too. They fascinated me, especially Thor and Hulk.


kawaiikune's picture

I'm often...

Embodiment

pretty sure I wasted my childhood by *not* doing those things.


The Which's picture

Game release

Supplicant

I've heard of the initial release of computer games called "gamma testing"

I think it's meant as a criticism.


kawaiikune's picture

I was actually...

Embodiment

worried when I was coming to the end of the first five chapters that the book would change or lose quality when sex stuff was introduced. I was already in love with the story, and I generally hate romance novels for their low-quality writing. I was afraid that this would turn into that. Not many people write sex scenes well. Fortunately, you're among the few who do and I kept loving the plot and began loving the dirty bits. This stuff gives all new meaning to "bibliophile".

Of the people who read chapter one before there was a prologue, how many made it to chapter two? To phrase that in a potentially less confusing way, did you notice if the prologue made a difference in the retention of readers past chapter one or chapter two?


MeiLin's picture

more people read after the prologue than before

Most High

but the drop-off after chapter one continued. Ch 1 bk 1 rev 1 is going to get a thorough shaking-out. Those of you with problems with this, I ask again: trust me.


kawaiikune's picture

Sorry!

Embodiment

I do trust you, honestly. I was just trying to give you the most honest feedback I could. But, as always, it's your story, and if what you've already written is any indication, it's going to be awesome!


MeiLin's picture

that sounded more defensive than I meant it to

Most High

No worries, I'm not looking for slavish adoration.

OK, I am.

But slavish adoration with honest feedback. Eye-wink


kawaiikune's picture

Now that...

Embodiment

I can do. I'm pretty sure that my obsession with this story is near-unrivaled when compared with other things I read or watch.


TheBoy's picture

how's this for pathetic:

Embodiment

how's this for pathetic: some of my other favorite internet time-sucks, I have abandoned--because, in part, they were boring me, and in part, because I wanted more free time here. Puzzled


kawaiikune's picture

Not pathetic at all...

Embodiment

I never used to miss a ToMU update, but now that I've gotten more serious about reading this, I checked it the other day and was astonished to see *three* new updates that I hadn't seen before.


TheBoy's picture

I quit a community-based

Embodiment

I quit a community-based online game...just wasn't having as much fun, plus the community here is way cooler.


Vandole's picture

I've pretty much quit ToMU

Devotee

I've pretty much quit ToMU since two weeks ago. I guess I realized that I didn't like half of the characters around Mack (I really just like Dee, Ian and Two) and I dislike any scene in more tales that involves Iason. I guess I'm tired of people with ridiculously emphasized flaws.


TheBoy's picture

I still read, I just quit

Embodiment

I still read, I just quit commenting.


V's picture

The ToMU blues

Embodiment

She does seem to be in a bit of a rut. I was very involved with the original forums before she made a decision to kick out the community-based stuff in favor of pure story-related commenting. Now that commenting's in Facebook I've written it off completely. I don't have an account and have no desire for yet another login. And the story--yeah, it went from a moving storyline that really kept me engaged to what seems to be a lot of swirling, tangled plot threads that never really seem to pull me in any more. Hopefully she'll be able to reboot somehow. I do follow it now that I'm learning to wrangle rss feeds, tho.


NorthwoodsMan's picture

Close....

Embodiment

I'm still hanging on over there, but not by much. When it takes three chapters to describe about twenty minutes to an hour of activity, ya, it's dragging a bit.


kawaiikune's picture

ToMU

Embodiment

I still read it (although I'm thinking of quitting), but I actually like MToMU better, because it moves more. Iason is obnoxious, but I like most of the other characters in there. They're more two dimensional and less petty than the characters in classic ToMU (I feel like I'm talking about flavors of coke or something when I say that). I'll probably drop ToMU soon unless it improves, but I might hang on to MToMU for a little while and see how it goes.

I had a throw-away login that I used over there for a while at the beginning just to point out spelling errors and stuff, but I haven't touched it in almost a year. I think that the people here that participate make me want to be here, and the people over there don't necessarily do that. I think it maybe started with the "ooking" and went downhill from there. There's no sense of community there like there is here.


TheBoy's picture

The people there sometimes

Embodiment

The people there sometimes make me want to...
be here. Eye-wink


kawaiikune's picture

Only...

Embodiment

sometimes, TheBoy? Eye-wink


TheBoy's picture

sometimes

Embodiment

The people -here- make me want to be here.


Laureril's picture

I'm in the same boat, but

Postulant

I'm in the same boat, but less entrenched. I commented a couple times, and read pretty often until I found IHGK - then I've quit commenting on ToMU in favor of being moderately active here. (I also happen to like MToMU a little more since ToMU is starting to feel like it's the same thing over and over. (OMGProblem, someone freaks, Mack goes crazy/is submissive/is socially awkward, dubious and problematic resolution, lather-rinse-repeat) I do enjoy AE's writing, but it does feel like she's only starting to work her way back out of the rut she's been digging for the past several months.


The Which's picture

Thats the only way I can

Supplicant

Thats the only way I can read ToMU. It moves so slowly I have to have the option to skim through several chapters at once or I dont enjoy it.


fairnymph's picture

Same here.

Supplicant

I love this story and I love this community.


Gudy's picture

Not so much abandoned...<