Quotes

One of my favorite things to do, when some one says "I mean it," is to follow up with "anybody got a peanut?" Anyone else have quotes they love to use?

I started thinking about this because I'm looking for a really good quote for my signature. Give me ideas!

Forums: 
Paisleigh's picture

Devotee

I have a bunch of them, plus a book on them. I'll dig up my favorites then if you want just name a topic and I'll see what my Big Book 'O Humorous Quotations has for it ^-^
"You can't broom out your head. You certainly can't broom out your heart. And there's a hot wire between them, and everything shows in the eyes. So whatever you're feeling in your life, trying to avoid it is some kind of weird obstacle course that there's no way to win. So when it's there, it's there."
-Johnny Depp in "Rolling Stone"

"Finally, this is better, that one do
His own task even though he fail,
Than take tasks not his own, though they seem good.
To die preforming duty is no ill;
But who seeks other roads wanders still."
-"Autobiography" by Gandhi, quoting the Gita

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
- Dr. Seuss

"there's only one thing that I know how to do well and I've often been told you can only do what you know how to do well. And that's be you. Be what you're like. Be like yourself."
-They Might Be Giants "Whistling in the Dark"

"The secret of health for both mind and body is no tot mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment honestly and earnestly."
-Buddha

"Don't dream it, be it."
-Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show

"If you begin the day with love in your heart, peace in your nerves, and truth in your mind, you not only benefit by their presence but also bring them to others, to your family and friends, and to all those whose destiny draws across your path that day."
- Unknown

"When you feel your life ain't worth living you've got to stand up and take a look around you then a look way up to the sky"
-Blind Melon "Change"

"When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
- Alexander Graham Bell

Another good place to find quotes is boogle.com (its Google with quotes ^-^)

applejax's picture

Supplicant

I almost used the Dr. Seuss one for my sig.

Zandu Ink's picture

Embodiment

My favorite movie quote comes form Pirates 3:

"For sure, you have to be lost to find a place as can't be found. Elseways, everyone would know where it was."
-Hector Barbosa, At World's End

There is, of course, my personal motto:

"Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool."
-Myself

That one, however, you may not use, as it is mine, and I'm an ass like that.

Edit: 37 weeks, 6 days and THIS is my first post? srsly?

Hyacinthe's picture

Here are some of my favorites

From the Life of Brian
Brian: You are all Individuals!
Crowd: We are all individuals!
Brian: You are all different!
Crowd: We are all different!
Man in Crowd: I'm not.

"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy."
-Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

"I hope to set an example, you know, for children and stuff."
-Captain Hammer

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."
- Niels Bohr

And this is one from a friend of mine.

"A Freudian slip is what you wear under your Jungian dress."
-A.

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

"We don't like to look back in They Might Be Giants, because when we do, things are in ruins and often on fire"
-They Might Be Giants

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
-Aristotle

Eleonora's picture

Devotee

One of my favorite quotes is definitely "But ... it's pink" by Guybrush Threepwood

Wraith's picture

Petitioner

"You obviously have a seaman's eye for nautical details."
-Harbormistress
Thank god I finally found somebody else who played the Monkey Island games. Most people I try to explain them to just look at me blankly.

"Look, a three-headed monkey"

*slips away while everyone searches for the three-headed monkey*

Lost Child's picture

"I sell these fine leather jackets..."

Samaris's picture

Supplicant

I love Monkey Island!!! Smile But it's been ages, and I don't remember all the dialogues, but the Curse of Monkey Island was absolutely hilarious!! Biggrin

Capriox's picture

Embodiment

It's so frustrating to start quoting the Dueling rhymes and get absolutely no response. I didn't really play it, but my brothers played tons while we were all teens, so I have many happy half-memories of the games.

"We can avoid getting scurvy, if we all eat an orange."

Eleonora's picture

Devotee

"My sweat is vaporizing as the temperature is rising and I cannot feel my legs below my knees anymore"

I don't know how many times I went into the lavalogs just to hear that little song. Oh, and how could I forget:

"I'm not into tormenting complete strangers, present company excepted" (Guybrush, while looking at you)
Oh and the second "You will be" by the ferryman spoken in Yoda voice.

Shade's picture

Supplicant

I freaking love MI! (my cat's name is Threepwood :P)

It's just got so much hilarity to it. I adore the third game, but the first two were brilliant as well XD. And the evolution of dueling on the ocean, amazing.
"You look like monkey in a negligee!"
"Oh, I'm that much like your fiance?"
*cracks up*

Definitely one of the finest games out there.

TheGrayCrayon's picture

Devotee

i got those games for christmas. i've played every game in the series like 4 times. And i've been known to sing out on occasion.....

OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH THERES AAAAAAA
monkey in my pocket
he's stealing all my change
his stare is blank and glassy
i think that he's deranged!

Man i love those games.

Slagar's picture

Devotee

Huge quotes nerd. Some of my favoties.

Trust everybody, then cut the cards.
-Robert Heinlein

He was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad.
-Rafael Sabatini

The fox knows many tricks, the Hedgehog only one.
One good one.
--Archilochus of Paros

Saramander's picture

Petitioner

I have only been able to use it in real life a couple of times, but one of my all-time favorite quotes:
"The bolt of Tash falls from above!" Prince Rabadash, "The Horse and His Boy" Chronicles of Narnia ~ C.S. Lewis

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

Does it ever get caught on a hook halfway?

A's picture

Postulant

I google by topic: "mother quotes" for the key words for instance.

I find I like certain people for quotes. Isaac Asimov. Dorothy Parker. Oscar Wilde. Mark Twain. Pithy, dry, fiercely intellegent.

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." Isaac Asimov.

Also, something cool I just found: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Main_Page Have a blast.

Wraith's picture

Petitioner

I like Spaceballs (most of the movie is quotable) and Robin Hood: Men in Tights (the only two Mel Brooks Films I've seen)

Also:

"You all saw it, that orphanage attacked ME. It was self-defense."
-Richard, from Looking for Group

"I like to KILL things. How is this not perfectly clear by now?"
-Richard again.

"For Pony!"
-Still Richard

"Did I just go FWOOSH?"
-Cale'A'Non also from Looking for Group

*BOOM* "Oops"
-Vetch, the alter-ego of my roommate

In case you didn't figure it out, Looking For group comes Highly recommended. For anyone who doesn't know it is a webcomic that spoofs just about everything fantasy, and still manages to tell a compelling story. It can be found at:
http://www.lfgcomic.com/
You can find many quotable moments in it if you read through the entire archives.

Also hilarious from the same writer/artist team is Least I Could Do: http://leasticoulddo.com/ *WARNING: Least I Could Do does occasionally feature jokes that could be offensive to some people. Go into it with an open mind though and you should be fine. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED* (sorry, I've always wanted to do something like that)

applejax's picture

Supplicant

1. Least I Could Do/Looking for Group = best comics ever.

2. If you like those Mel Brooks movies you should really watch Blazing Saddles. It's hilarious, racist, and almost every line is quotable. I highly recommend it.

Freegrassn's picture

Yeah, honestly everybody, if you haven't already, read/look at Looking For Group. It is great.

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

I started reading Looking for Group, on your recommendation (because I love Least I Could Do), and there was V! In the first comic! I'm sure you already knew that, but I thought it was cool.

magalicious's picture

Postulant

I started reading LFG after V posted in the avatar thread. I spent the next few hours entranced.

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

I guess I missed that one. That's pretty awesome, and hilariously fitting.

V's picture

Embodiment

It's me! Yes, indeed, I lifted my av from everyone's favorite sociopath. And in the interests of accuracy, since I think the intonation is what made the line:

I. Like. To. Kill. Things. How is this not clear by now?

More quotes here.

ETA: One I forgot!
Richard: "Greetings. Hail? Bah weep granah weep ninni bong?"
Cale: "Explain our noble intentions!"
Richard: "Will do." ... "I mean you harm."
Cale: "NO harm! You mean him NO harm!"
Richard: "That doesn't sound like me."

NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

A failure to plan or act on your part does not constitute an emergency for me.

Eleonora's picture

Devotee

Oh, I really like one quote from Anita Blake (don't know if I've got it completely correct):
Ah what the..
*walks away to find book* Ah there it is:
"I was a female chauvinist piglet"

Capriox's picture

Embodiment

I have a text file specifically labeled "quotes" on my computer. I saved them because they're ones that I either find hilarious or that ring particularly true to me. In no particular order...

"Use, do not abuse. Neither abstinence nor excess renders man happy." - Voltaire (this rings SO TRUE for me).

"From the moment of birth, death begins simultaneously, and from the moment of death, birth begins simultaneously." - Chuang Tzu (aka Zhuang-zi)

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art .... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." - C.S. Lewis

"If there were no mutations, we would all still be blue-green algae, and there would be no music." - attributed to Thomas Moore

"Loneliness is the clearest of crystal insight into your own soul; it’s the fear of one’s own self that haunts the lonely." - unknown (also VERY TRUE for me)

"The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was." - Sufi poet Jelaluddin Rumi

"Homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto (I am human: nothing human is alien to me). If you're right, I'll do what you do. If you're wrong, I'll set you straight." - Chremes in Terence, the Roman comedy 'The Self-Tormentor' by Publius Terentius Afer

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

"The difference between fact and fiction? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy (this one is for you, MeiLin Wink ).

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." - Hanlon's Razor (another personal philosophy fav)

"life, n.: A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while." - unknown

"History is much like an Endless Waltz. The three beats of War, Peace, and Revolution continue forever" - GundamWing: Endless Waltz movie

"cave ab homine unius libri - beware the man of one book" - unknown (boo for extremists!)

"The elite's environmental deterioration is often the common man's improved standard of living" - Anthony Downs

"Some soldiers shot at my tank with small-arms fire until I blew ’em to hell...silly, silly Nazis."
-gamer mag review of some random WWII computer game

"Anything which doesn't kill me had better be able to run damn fast." - unknown

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

It's currently at 31 kB and growing, and that's just stuff I've personally found interesting. Here's a selection. Warning: strong language and opinions ahead

Hey, when the Buddhist says it's ass-whuppin' time, it's ass-whuppin' time. -- fixer at zetachannel

"think of the children" is basically the root password for the US Constitution these days. -- 007bistromath at zetachannel

I would enjoy adulthood a lot more if I didn't have to be so grown-up about it. -- TGU at zetachannel

Karma is a slut. She comes for EVERYBODY! -- Dagda at zetachannel

There is a word for people who think everyone's always out to get them, and it starts with the letter P. That word is perceptive. -- Herbert_West at xForums

If your pathetic, small-minded godling is real, then I SHALL go to Hell when I die, verily... and I shall raise an army of the unjustly damned to storm the gates of heaven and throw down that tyrant from his golden throne! -- Antero at xForums

The problem with playing hard to get is that you might win. -- da chicken at xForums

I don't see why "why are we here" and "what does it all mean" are questions that need asking, let alone answering. -- Zebee Johnstone in a.s.r

The notion that H. Sapiens are qualitatively 'better', or more 'civilised' than any other species on the planet is a laughable bit of conceit that is disproved whenever two or more humans all *really* want something there's only one of. -- Lionel in a.s.r

The PC movement is about trying not to offend people who are busily manipulating you by being creatively thinskinned. -- Joe Zeff, in a.s.r

Politics and religion are just like software and hardware. They all suck, the documentation is provably incorrect, and all the vendors tell lies. -- Andrew Dalgleish, in a.s.r

Hoist one on my behalf, too, and please hug his other friends and family on my behalf. And here's a hug for you from me. There never are enough hugs. -- Mike Andrews in a.s.r about how to deal with the death of a friend

God [...] even asked one man to sacrifice his son. But he stopped that man at the last minute. - Some people see this as a parable that the results of blind unquestioning faith can be too horrible for even God to stomach. Others disagree. -- Jeff Ramsey and David Cameron in a.s.r

I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. -- Stephen F Roberts

If I am right, they will not go to heaven, because there *is* no heaven. If *they* are right, they will not go to heaven, because they are hypocrites. -- Isaac Asimov, on the Moral Majority

Sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice. -- J. Porter Clark (who may not have originated it, but was certainly the first to post it to Usenet.)

If a politician fixes a problem then he loses it as a campaign issue. But if he makes the problem worse while heroically fighting against it, then he's golden. -- Rex Tincher

There's many ways to victimize people. The most insidious is to convince them that they're victims. -- Tom Robbins

Davik's picture

Embodiment

So good ones in there (reminds me that I need to go dig around on my other computer and find my quote file), but I'd have to change this one a little for my point of view:
If your pathetic, small-minded godling is real, then I SHALL go to Hell when I die, verily... and I shall raise an army of the unjustly damned to storm the gates of heaven and throw down that tyrant from his golden throne! -- Antero at xForums

I was trained as an engineer, and I wouldn't really want to hang out with the people who did make it to heaven, so I'd just use the lake of fire as a heat source, heaven as a heat dump, and use it to install air conditioning Smile

Eleonora's picture

Devotee

I don't know why exactly your post made me think of this but it is very funny:

http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/exoendo.htm

Looking for this I also found a site with science quotes:

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/quote.html

I didn't look for long, but I liked this one:

A tidy laboratory means a lazy chemist.
-- Jöns Jacob Berzelius (Swedish chemist,1779-1848)

Raigne's picture

Embodiment

But I haven't touched it in a really long time.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-Mark Twain (I could fill a file with just his quotes...)

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
-John Russell, 1st Earl Russell (This one I have associated with myself elsewhere and did have it in my signature for about 24 hours...)

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather, to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting, "Holy shit what a ride!" (I've seen it attributed to Mavis Leyrer)

All of the following is true. All of the previous is true. The previous statement is false. (Liar paradox

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
--Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Taslin's picture

Postulant

That has always been, in many ways, the family motto in my house. My parents are quite sensible people in that respect--despite, or possibly because, they are academics themselves.

Eleonora's picture

Devotee

I'm also quite fond of:

"Allez votre corridor"

to tell people. It's quite well known in the Netherlands, It might look French, but only means something if you translate it to Dutch. (Yeah for homonyms)

Oh, and it means something like, be my guest, or do your thing, don't mind me... Hard to translate these sort of things.

Pedes's picture

Postulant

Because why not - my personal quote whenever asked why I did something (and pretty much the reason for most that I do that is not obligatory).

"They are the most dangerous, things that don't look dangerous" (more-less) - Thief of Time

T. Pratchett is a god for quotes! (I just don't remember them now)

NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

There's one that I rather like from LOTR that I can not find. I belive it is when Gandalf returns to Isengard after the Ents have sacked it. He meets with Merry and Pippin sitting at the entrance and after talking about food, Gandalf says something to the effect of a Hobbit would talk the day away about trivilaties while the world crumbled around them.

imri's picture

Devotee

...from the top of my head.

"To love one woman totally, you must love all women partially."

"You cannot negotiate with fanatics, you can only kill them."

Paisleigh's picture

Devotee

from Time Enough For Love?

imri's picture

Devotee

It might be time to pull that book out again and read it.

scrapper's picture

Postulant

Who doesn't love a good quote? I have a whole book of them that I have been collecting over the years. In terms of movies, as someone said Robin Hood Men In Tights is a classic, and of course Princess Bride and can't forget Monty Python and the Holy Grail! I could quote half the movie!
"Tis but a scratch!"
"But I'm not dead yet!"
"She has HUGE..... tracts of land!" (course that one you have to the motion with too Smile )

Other favorites...
"The greatest torture in the world for most people is to think." - Luther Burbank
"Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?" -Lily Tomlin
"Have you ever noticed...Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" - george Carlin
"I'm at that point in your life, where you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore...that idea of home is gone. Maybe that's all family really is: a group of people that miss that same imaginary place."-Garden State
"Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."- Charlotte Whitton (Isn't that the truth! Blum 3
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning."-? Love this one.

I could go on and on, I have lots more, but I'll spare the long post.... Smile

scrapper's picture

Postulant

My favorite one from the story!!! Temmin - "Why am I the only one that's naked???!!" Priceless, had me laughing for a good five minutes Smile

Eleonora's picture

Devotee

two quotes I like very much from Diana Gabaldon:

...the difference between an American and an Englishman. An Englishman thinks a hundred miles is a long way; an American thinks a hundred years is a long time.

and the other one (a bit altered because it came from a conversation):
"Coitus interruptus? There is a word for people who depend on that particular method of birth control. Parents"

V's picture

Embodiment

"That book is good in vain which the reader throws away. He only is the master who keeps the mind in pleasing captivity; whose pages are perused with eagerness, and in hope of new pleasure are perused again; and whose conclusion is perceived with an eye of sorrow, such as the traveller casts upon departing day."
- Johnson, Lives of the Poets: Dryden :hat:

And... (Raigne, any good ideas for a solid "shifty eyes" smiley?)

"The art of handling university students is to make oneself appear, and this almost ostentatiously, to be treating them as adults...."
- Arnold Toynbee, Experiences H)

Raigne's picture

Embodiment

We need a ninja icon, complete with animated shifty eyes. In the meantime, I kinda like this one: ¬.¬

V's picture

Embodiment

Would the ninja be for when you ninja someone's post/get ninja'd, or would it just be for when you're about to do something a bit shifty?

...not that I would ever consider such a thing.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

yOu WoUlD nEvEr Do AnYtHiNg ShIfTy...

God, I'm not funny...

Capriox's picture

Embodiment

Don't worry, even if God agrees that you're not funny, He'll still love you.

(full disclosure: extreme stress is making things weird over my way right now. Dunno if it's as bad as taking the Bar, but yeah.)

Zandu Ink's picture

Embodiment

How do we know there isn't s ninja icon already? I mean, it could just be THAT stealthy.

Of course, if you ask the Ask-A-Ninja ninja, I'm sure he'd say if we had a ninja icon already, we'd all be dead right now.

Raigne's picture

Embodiment

Use it for both. Bonus points* if you can use it for both at the same time. It's efficient! Plus, I have always been unsatisfied with the monopoly the pirates have on the posts in this board. I will work on it.

*Disclaimer: no actual bonus points will be awarded

Zandu Ink's picture

Embodiment

I love living vicariously through people that live vicariously through video games. -Jake Beddingfield, co-worker.

Zandu Ink's picture

Embodiment

My father was a wheel; the first wheel! And you know what he turned into? Nothing! And he did so with honor! Jetfire - TF2

Marri's picture

Supplicant

B: Thanks to S, I was convinced I had fallen out of the space-time continuum!
S: ...my bad.

My roommate: I kind of like the idea of kicking people in the face with multicolored toenails.

My boy: I was honestly waiting for you to say April Fool's.
Me: In May...?
Him: You're sneaky!

^I consider this proof that I have succeeded in life.

Kaisar Ryu's picture

Petitioner

One that I'm fond of, though I'm sure it has been made by many, is:

Give a man a fire, he's warm for the night. Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.

In the feild of movies, mentioned a few times above, two that are full of fun quotes, but ignored. Tombstone, and Army of Darkness. Seriously, how can there be no Bruce Cambell quotes yet? If nothing else, just jot down

"Klatu... Verata... Ni-(chough cough)"

There is also the vast depository of dead baby jokes, but few outside Marines and other specialised sociopaths find them funny.

getting away from the darker side of my humor, I'd quote pratchett. These will likely be a bit off as I don't have the various novels with me, but ...

"A coward is one who, in times of danger, thinks with his feet."

"Rincewind: Its stupid to die for your cause! You only have one life, but you can pick up a dozen new causes on any street corner!
Pretty Butterfly: How can you live with a philosiphy like that?
Rincewind: Continuously."

Marri's picture

Supplicant

I've found dead baby jokes hilarious ever since I was in high school and some smartass freshman boy told one around my friend Sara and she looks at him and says very seriously "I was a dead baby." (Which was true). And everyone went OMG SHE'LL BE UPSET for a while, until she started laughing at all of us for thinking she'd been doing anything other than messing without our heads. And now we all think dead baby jokes are awesome just because we remember that story.

Capriox's picture

Embodiment

Ok, I'll bite: can you tell us how a living person was formerly a dead baby? Inquiring minds want to know Blum 3

Marri's picture

Supplicant

But "she had health problems as a baby and her heart stopped for a time" I believe is the gist of it.

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