I am ready to reveal my work

Hello there,

So, here's the deal, I've been working on a few stories, one of which I've really decided would work best as a serial.

So I started working on it on my writing LiveJournal, and now I'm thinking I'd like a few people to read it and find any major flaws with it, grammar, spelling, readability, etc.

It's pretty much just a beta. I just want to make sure I have something people will want to read, before I start investing time into it.


Thank you.

Voyeur's picture

remove the www. to get the link to work.

The Vixen's picture



Drowwolf's picture

Seems interesting enough so far. The writing is pretty good, and subjects like elves and vampires are quite interesting to me, as well as to a lot of people it seems. Interesting twist seeing the elf fighting the vampires, most of what I've seen so far has been often vampire on vampire violence. Wink

I LOVE your icon btw, very beautiful.

Vandole's picture


I'm intrigued by the potential in this story. Your writing is pretty good, but sometimes awkward and unpolished. I've already expressed my opinion on the livejournal page so I will not reiterate it here, but a little more editing and rewriting could go a long way to improve flow.

TheBoy's picture


There are enough grammatical and spelling errors to distract and detract from the story. I am unlikely to persist in reading, even if they're cleaned up.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

I'll go have a look, m'dear.

The Vixen's picture



Well I've fixed the so far mentioned grammatical and spelling errors. I'll be going over it MANY times. One of my main concerns is that Elves have perfect memories, so her grammar and spelling must be flawless. I am human, and I don't pay attention to details when I'm writing. Le Sigh...

I see the point that was made about there being too many names in the first chapter. The story more-or-less begins in medias res, so there's a lot going on in the first chapter that almost doesn't become important till later chapters. I am apparently not highly proficient in this, so any help as to how to better explain that all those names aren't really important (for example, I name each Hunter, because they are individually addressed, but they are at the moment, just Hunter #1, Hunter #2), for example, should I list the names at some point.... hmm...

Thank you though, I really need to flesh out things before I try and encourage reading of it.

Add new comment

Get an exclusive free ebook from the world of the Intimate History! Exclusive content, contests, new releases and more.