Female Orgasms: Myth & Legend

When I first started having intimate relations, I was very naive. I foolishly thought that everyone had sex the same way I did. Well, at least in a very general sence. Smile It was only after I started doing research, that I was rare for a woman. I have orgasms. Not only that I have both clitoral and vaginal orgasms. I was shocked to say the least. So, I'm curious. Am I really that "rare"? Or are more women out there thorougly enjoying sex? The female orgasm, how elusive is it?

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Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

hat I left out a whole sentence. After research it's supposed to say that I found out that I was rare...sorry sorry it's late and it was written on my phone. Goodnight all.

Bedazzled101's picture

Petitioner

Yea, my husband was surprised I fit into this rare category just like you. LOL...I too had no clue...I thought it was normal. I guess we are really lucky as I orgasmed when I lost my virginity... I guess this is pretty rare also. I never really thought about it much, I usually orgasm 1x every 5 mins during sex...then after the 3rd one, I basically orgasm continuously the rest of the time. But I have to be careful and make the hubby stop here and thereto catch my breath, so I don't pass out from lack of oxygen LMAO. Also, anally I orgasm instantly, and continuously...hubby said that is also extremely rare...so I guess I'm too lucky in bed...hehehe Wink

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

I was with a girl on a hair trigger, briefly.
Also, I was with a girl who had had several partners and purported to have never had one, nor to be interested in remedying that.

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

...not wanting to fix that. I was with a girl once who couldn't orgasm, but it wasn't from lack of trying on her part...it was more because her long-time boyfriend didn't really make it a priority. We spent a long time together, and she eventually figured it out, but it was mainly from clitoral stimulation. It blows my mind that someone wouldn't want to have an orgasm, though.

For me, it took a long time to get over the severe case of Catholic guilt and actually sit down and figure out how I worked. Once I did, I was able to achieve orgasm consistently, and have both vaginal and clitoral orgasms. (Once I actually managed without doing anything below the belt, which was pretty cool, but I can't do that consistently.) It took a guy who really knew what he was doing, and a good amount of time by myself figuring out what worked and what didn't before I could get there consistently, but now I'm an expert Smile Before that, there were many years of frustration.

I also have another question for you girls/guys. Female ejaculation? Anyone experienced with it?

Saphira's picture

Postulant

I don't ever recall dating you... Blum 3

Probably the only one on this forum, but it's true, I have never had an orgasm.

Sounds nice - in the way that the land of fairies and dragons and happy endings sounds nice. It also seems to be just as unreachable. At least for me.

I'm honestly not interested in 'remedying' that...because if I go after it with a concerted effort, I'm just going to be left disappointed and frustrated and feeling broken. And I've spent so much of my life already feeling 'broken,' I really don't wish to add to the list if I can help it.

I do like sex - looove foreplay, but whenever I have sex it's ALWAYS for the other person. I've never 'gotten anything' out of sex - it always seems to be a 'I know this makes you feel good - and I like to make you feel good' kinda thing. At this juncture, I may just jive more with foreplay - but have never felt more than, 'oh, well that was nice.'

So yes, laugh - point - stare - giggle incessantly behind your hands. Blum 3

MeiLin's picture

Most High

If, and only if, you decide you are curious about pursuing this, check out the book How to Have an Orgasm...As Often As You Want. Very, very good. No one's laughing at you, dear, nor pitying you neither.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

oh, it's not you...

she enjoyed sex, just never came.

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

if I was insensitive to that. I wasn't trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable; please don't think I was laughing at you. Thank you for explaining; it makes a lot more sense to me now why someone wouldn't want to. And don't think you're alone...it sounds like you're in the majority.

Saphira's picture

Postulant

all of you Blum 3

I'm fine. I don't think anyone's laughing at me. And honestly, I'm okay with things - if I wasn't, well - you guys would never know about it in the first place. I tend to use humor to diffuse situations and I guess I ended up sounding defensive. I apologize for that one. Wink

Meilin - thank you, readings are always welcome. ^__^

The Boy - yes, I know that I didn't date you - twas just too good of a line to pass up

Kawaiikune - you're not insensitive. At least I didn't take it that way. I thought it would be interesting to see something besides the 'me too! I'm a magic orgasm box!' and see if discussion and or enlightenment could be found. (I could sure use some enlightenment sometimes).

It used to really bother me. But I'm turning 25 in a week (yes, I know I'm a young'un), and things don't bug me like they used to. I think of it like being the perfect microbiologist. My father always said that the perfect microbiologist had a hand growing out of the middle of his/her chest - so that they could hold things while using the other two hands to manipulate other things. But people are perfectly capable and wonderful microbiologists w/o that third hand. My "inability" (as of yet, if we wish to call it so) does not really diminish who I am in any way. If I decide to dwell on it, and believe some past b/fs (who actually HAVE told me that something is fundamentally flawed with me) then I can feel crappy about it - but really, why? You can't miss what you've never had. And life is so full of wonderful things to be discovered beyond that.

kawaiikune's picture

Embodiment

I really like the microbiologist analogy. And, yes, I agree, it was neat to see someone else's perspective. Thanks for sharing Smile I still haven't picked up the trick of detecting sarcasm on the web...sorry about the confusion.

In the spirit of further enlightenment, do you mind if I ask if you ever masturbate?

Saphira's picture

Postulant

No apologies needed. Sometimes I'm a hard person to peg even in person, especially for emotional content behind words.

On the masturbation: I tried when I was younger - it never really 'got' me anywhere. I'm a biologist by trade - so it's not like I don't know what's going on and where my clitoris is. Even though I occasionally do things that feel great (I have a habit of twitching my hips when I'm bored in class which rubs my clit along the center seam in my jeans), I just feel like it's race without a finish line. And honestly, such an 'exercise in futility' just makes me feel silly and stupid.

After a night of great makeout/notreallysex, my b/f asked me if I was anywhere 'close' (I'm still training him to use big people words instead of going 'mm-hmm' and vaguely gesturing in the air about anything sexual) and my response was 'you want me to gauge my distance along a path that has never been traveled?'

I feel that I've read enough clinical and literary descriptions that I'd know an orgasm if it hit me. Although, maybe not, I'll allow room for error. I picked up Meilin's reading recommendation, so perhaps I'll have more to report later. I can't resist the written word - I'll read the cereal box if there's nothing else in front of me...this should prove to be more interesting.

As far as I know, I don't really have any hangups. I'm in a stable, very loving, very trusting relationship. I do have one dark note in my past that pertains to sex - but I feel like it doesn't rule me. It's a factor, always will be - but it doesn't rule me like it used to. I know my personal biology and I do enjoy sex. From what everyone else is saying - with enough patience and experimentation - it should just happen. And maybe it will and I just haven't gotten there yet. Who knows?

Oh, and I almost decided to be a smartass and say 'why no, I don't mind at all if you ask if I masturbate.' But in the spirit of enlightenment (possibly mostly my own) and subtlety not being web-friendly, I'll forego the asshatery and answer as straight as I can. Hope it helps.

Also, kudos for drawing me into a forum conversation - not easily done, my friend. Smile

H's picture

You're not the only one. I also love foreplay, but I like sex, and being fucked hard and fast. Gods, curse, I've never came. If any one has any hints or tips, I would appreciate it.. In my current relationships, the foreplay is usually for me, but the sex is for my other.
Thanks in advance!
Mwa, H

Vienna's picture

I'm a little confused: do you mean it's rare for women to have orgasms at all or to have them during intercourse? Because according to all the statistics I've ever seen, it's certainly not a minority of women who have them at all; it's just noticeably fewer than men.

fairnymph's picture

Embodiment

The majority of women definitely orgasm; the differences compared to men generally are:

-it takes longer with someone else
-it's not a sure thing with every sexual encounter
-it's more difficult to achieve during intercourse, in particular

(all issues made worse by youth, inexperience in general, and inexperience with the partner)

I do think that *most* women orgasm, at least initially (ie without effort, practice, insight), primarily via clitoral stimulation, which many forms of intercourse do not stimulate enough or at all, or even ever for women with certain anatomies. And then nearly all women have no trouble with masturbation (again primarily clitoral), and are not usually that much slower to achieve climax on their own than men, from what I know. So it's not an issue of orgasm alone, but orgasming with partners, and orgasming during intercourse.

But there are always exceptions. My favourite and most expedient way to orgasm is via g-spot sex in a very specific variation on missionary (I require zero foreplay for this, and I'm not huge on foreplay), which unfortunately tends to sort of bore my partners, because while I enjoy a variety of positions, ONLY that one leads to climax, and honestly? I'd be happy having sex just that way 95% of the time. Excluding um, use of pain/blood/choking etc on top of that, and giving oral. /is boring

The Vixen's picture

Devotee

I second all that and I wanted to add...

My best friends said she read something that said that women actually ONLY have clitoral orgasms, and that vaginal orgasms are just clitoral orgasms stimulated by the gspot, I believe similarly to how men can have an orgasm by stimulating the prostate.

fairnymph's picture

Embodiment

There is certainly clinical data that suggests the g-spot and clitoris are anatomically linked, but there's a even more anecdotal data that suggests the orgasms feel very different. I don't think it matters if it's connected tissue, because the method and results are different - thus the orgasm is different. Same goes for prostrate vs penile in men, I'd say.

Freydis's picture

Really, *very* different. Clitoral alone, for me at least, is almost violent, usually. If it happens too much, an almost bruised feeling can occur.

Vaginal/g-spot tends to have more buildup and a slower release.

And combining the two? ...

... Anyone have an umbrella? Drop cloth? Mop? Wink

Yeah, so female ejaculation can happen. I got to experience it not too long ago and it was *amazing*. Messy, but amazing.

Laureril's picture

Supplicant

How exactly does this variant work? I always thought missionary and g-spot were pretty close to mutually exclusive. (You can point me to a picture if you don't feel like trying to describe it.)

fairnymph's picture

Embodiment

I'm on my back, with my knees bent and feet flat to the surface (floor/mattress/whatever), and then I raise and angle my hips at maybe 30 degrees or so? Missionary is, I'm pretty sure, any man on top of a woman on her back, but the knees up, pelvis raised combo is essential for me. Also, if the surface is too soft, it's difficult for me to achieve the right angle for the man to hit the g-spot.

raecchi's picture

Devotee

I'm wondering if the statistics about women not having orgasms during sex are a bit over-hyped. I can, and a few of my friends whom I've asked can as well -- some of them use a vibrator for it, but that still "counts" in my world. I'm guessing the number of people who can orgasm from sex without any clit stimulation are a fairly smallish group, but not able to come at all? I'm hoping it's a tiny chunk of women.

Oral sex, now that's a whole different story. Can't stand any direct touch my clit, so it does very little for me. Sad

Marri's picture

Supplicant

I've never had much luck having a vaginal orgasm. No problem with clitoral ones, though, or with clitoral stimulation together with a finger inside me. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy sex; it feels amazing and it does turn me on. Just... not quite stimulating in the same way, for whatever reason. My current partner finds it a tad annoying as he usually has to go down on me to finish me, in comparison to his last partner (in his words, an "easy O") where they could both just skip straight to sex and both finish relatively quickly.

On the other hand, I have a history of sex being kind of uncomfortable (I'm apparently very small and this has led to some problems) so that may be reducing the enjoyment, I suppose.

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

I definitely have orgasms, but usually just one per grinding session - sometimes two if we keep going for a really long time. When I masturbate I find that for every orgasm I have, it takes longer to reach the next one. As far as orgasms during vaginal/anal intercourse, I wouldn't know yet. I hope so!

Marri's picture

Supplicant

Hmmm, interesting... my experiences tend to line up with MeiLin's comments (girls are easier after the first orgasm, guys are harder). Or is it just when you're by yourself, as opposed to with your partner, that it takes longer the second time?

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

It's all the time, and it's literally been this way for as long as I can remember. (Unlike the vast majority of girls, I was too young to form long-term memories when I discovered masturbation. My parents didn't explain anything to me except to never do it around other people. Needless to say, I was very relieved when I realized many years later that it was GOOD to understand your body and that I wasn't some sort of freak.)

Anyway, I have to put in a fair bit of conscious effort to get aroused enough to come a second time whether I'm solo or with a partner. I generally feel more tired than horny after the first one, so I tend to focus more on their pleasure than mine once I've come the first time. If it keeps going long enough and there's enough mutual stimulation, then there's a decent chance I'll have a second orgasm.

Any other girls take longer to orgasm after the first time? Any guys that follow the opposite pattern?

Voyeur's picture

i'm exactly the same way.

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

My wife reacts like a guy in that regard - one clitoral orgasm (hmm, oral Smile ), and she is pretty much done for the night. OTOH, direct g-spot stimulation can keep her going as long as oxygen, hydration and energy levels last.

As for the original question, yup, orgasming from penis-in-vagina intercourse without additional stimulation is not that common, but also not exceedingly rare. I think the usual number is that around 20% of women can do that, though less can do it with any regularity.

Marri's picture

Supplicant

-glomp for Gudy- that makes me feel better... it's something like 50% of my guy's former girls have been able to orgasm from just sex? (And that's minimum since he doesn't really remember a few of them). I was feeling like a bit of a hassle Biggrin But NOW I'M IN THE MAJORITY. Win.

blu°'s picture

Dunno, he might be exaggerating there. I'd be very very suspicious if someone was trying to pressure me that way. Also, maybe those girls were faking?

I'm sorry, I hope I'm not being too negative, but I had a crapload of really dumb guys, so maybe I'm a bit partial. Please don't feel upset, your boyfriend will probably not be like any of those guys. Smile

Marri's picture

Supplicant

It's nice that you're concerned Smile He's not trying to "pressure" me- he always gets me to orgasm one way or another- he just likes to jokingly moan about how much faster it would be if I could get off during sex. One of the reasons I grump about it is because he's right, it would be much faster- and then I could go to sleep that much earlier Biggrin

As to the faking part, it occurred to me to be a tiny bit suspicious, but I have no real way to tell, so I'm not going to worry about it Blum 3

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

I'm guessing the fact that you're small makes it difficult for him to grind his pubic bone against yours during intercourse? I don't know much about toys, but maybe he could put on a cock ring (with one of those little vibrators) in a place that's far enough from his base that it would let the vibrator stimulate your clitoris when he's inside you. I don't know if it's uncomfortable to wear cock rings in places other than the very base, but it might be worth a try. Just my penny's worth.

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

Oh, and to answer the actual question: Mine are always clitoral. I only tried messing around in my vag once or twice, and it didn't do anything for me. Then again, I've always found wearing tampons to be painful, so we'll see how all that changes when I start having intercourse and/or get a vibrator.

Laureril's picture

Supplicant

The ones I do have during intercourse are rather small and weak compared to what I could do on my own. They're not really any less pleasurable, but they just don't scratch the itch. My boyfriend and I are working out how to fix that, but it can be a little difficult to experiment when it's a long-distance relationship.

Clare-Dragonfly's picture

Supplicant

I occasionally have vaginal orgasms during intercourse (I believe from G-spot stimulation mainly), but they're just not that exciting. I get much better ones from clitoral stimulation. It doesn't bother me enough to try to change, though, because my boyfriend is both willing and skilled when it comes to my clit!

waffles's picture

I def have orgasms. Both vaginal and clitoral. It wasn't until my latest boyfriend that I was able to have vaginal-stimulation-only orgasms on a regular basis during intercourse. I think he might be a keeper. Wink (Okay, he's a keeper for other reasons as well, but the amazing sex doesn't hurt.)

Shinjinarenai's picture

Postulant

Except for maybe not really. I'm really easy to give an orgasm during sex. If I don't orgasm at least twice when I'm with my boyfriend, he feels like he's really messed up. Vaginal intercourse just really does it for me, and anal too but not to the same extent. Clitoral stimulation, not so much- I like it as part of foreplay occasionally, but it's very hard for me to orgasm from that. I guess that's part of the reason that I fail at masturbation. I do it anyway, of course, but I've never orgasmed from it; I just feel a sense of 'ok, I'm done now' that's entirely unlike the really really nice sparkly thing that is an orgasm from sex. Which is why the fact that I can and do orgasm so many times during sex is quite the relief. I think the record is 7 so far?

magalicious's picture

Postulant

I have orgasms; it just takes me a while to get there, especially with vaginal sex. I respond better to clitoral stimulation, or an alternation, or even anal stimulation, to just purely vaginal. When I have a patient and generous partner (or when masturbating), once I have the first orgasm, the next consecutive orgasms come much more quickly. It takes about half the time to reach the second one, and half that time for the third, etc.
I do not orgasm with non-dominant partners, patient and thoughtful as they might be. I feel pleasure, but I can't reach orgasm - it's like sitting on the edge of a cliff; without a little push, I won't jump, even though I know the water below is wonderful. Since I know that there are a few submissive-identified women on this forum, what are your thoughts? Is the subspace integral?

Bedazzled101's picture

Petitioner

...are probably more sexual in general than the average cross section. But from talking with friends of mine over the years, I haven't heard of too many that can orgasm clitorally and vaginally on a constant basis through one or the other equally(not dependant on partner's skills ;-). This is what I interpreted the question as. I know its not rare for women to orgasm...from what I've heard, being able to reach climax equally, whether with just clitoral stimulation or just penetration not dependant on position, is considered pretty uncommon.

Blue Coyote's picture

Devotee

I can first consciously recal masterbating on accident while listening to music (tight jeans and bouncy 80's music) I didn't actually know what had happened at first but I very quickly figured it out and my clit became my best friend. I can climax easily and often from clitoral stimulation and it gets easier and more frequent after the first one, until I'm too sensitive to be touched(about four is all I can stand in one go). Vaginal anything took a long while for me to get into, even being fingered made me uncomfortable. But my Beloved took the time and patience to teach me not to be afraid of my own body and to enjoy the pleasure it could bring. And now many years later we have a Lover too and he's been gentle and patient enough that I've learned to enjoy intercourse for my own sake and not just to please him. It took nearly a year before I had my first orgasm from intercourse (and that was a year of really concentrated effort Wink ). And another two years before it was a fairly regular occourrance. But I also have a tilted uterus and have to find some interesting positions that don't poke me uncomfortably in the cervix. But now it's great, as long as they 'prime the pump' by starting me off clitorally I can climax from intercourse usually twice before he can't hold back. If we go agin that lovely longer/shorter turnaround time works in our favor, I go off quicker and he takes longer so I can get 4-7 and sometimes even hit a multi-orgasm before where I coudn't even count.

Tethnak can't login right now's picture

My wife and I have been wondering a lot lately about this. we feel very lucky to have wonder, multi-orgasmic (on her part at least) sex most of the time. Very rarely does she have less than two orgasms when we have sex, and when it is its beacuse I get excited and forget to control myself. We too keep hearing that it is rare. I for one am very excited to hear that we're not some tiny minority. My wife says she has always felt like it was easier for her to come than most of her friends, but she attributes our wonderful sex life to our overal intamacy and trust. From my perspective, she is a lot less work for me than many of my previous partners, and certainly far more prolific. I've been with women who only came from oral, required a lot of foreplay but would only reach orgasm with vaginal etc. Maybe they faked it but we always found a way. I find sex far more enjoyable when my partner reaches orgasm as well. Those of you that struggle, keep the faith and build the emotional intamacy that will allow you to communicate what is working and what isn't.

Ely's picture

Petitioner

I would also tend to attribute a great sex life to intimacy and trust...

My orgasm rate, so to speak, varied a lot from partner to partner, then to lover. Some people (sorry, can't resist the pun) really suck at oral sex, for example - especially when they don't really enjoy it. And others could never bring me over the edge with intercourse, for no obvious reason. It could go from multiple orgasms to 'nice, but if you could just come so I'd get back to my book...'
(Aside: one very good thing with my same-sex partners was that orgasm wasn't a goal as such, and we could go back and forth between foreplay and sex and cuddling. Never got that with a guy. What about you all ?)

Now, with a great lover (I just *knew* he had to be fantastic in bed, well before we started dating, from the way he listened) it still depends a lot on my mood, but it's usually more than 2 orgasms. And there's often a time when I don't know when the last one stopped and the next one started... I don't really see a difference between oral, vaginal, etc...
(I must confess that even in the best love-making, even in subspace, I have a tiny counter in a corner of my head going "4... 5... 6..." I remember being around 11 once. I never told any of my partners though.)

And I very, very rarely get a real orgasm by myself; my lover brings me 'there' with a toy much more quickly than I can do. Doesn't stop me from trying, there's still pleasure in walking the path...

On an unrelated note, I think a third of my points come from sex-oriented threads Smile I might need Angel to re-assess the effect this long-distance thing has on my libido (b) new toys (c) to post more on other topics so that it's less visible...

magalicious's picture

Postulant

Yes, in my experience, men are more 'goal oriented' than women ... snerk. Men experience sex, and orgasms, differently than women, so male and female lovers are going to approach sex differently. Of course, I've loved men who were cuddle whores and women who never spent the night; it all depends on the person.

Laureril's picture

Supplicant

Sometimes the hard part is convincing him to quit snuggling and get to work! Since it's a long distance relationship and has been pretty much the entire time, it's drastic swings between famine and feast for us, so we usually end up trying to pack an entire month of physical intimacy into a weekend.

And on your unrelated note, I'm headed that direction myself. Whups?

Ely's picture

Petitioner

I'm in a long-distance relationship too ! in fact, I've just gone back from a two-weeks-worth weekend. We were supposed to go skiing but stayed under the quilt and never stopped snuggling for more than two hours.
I'm not entirely sure these posts really help during the famines, though Smile

Voyeur's picture

I've always wondered what counts as a multiple orgasm. If it is what I think it is, I don't think I have single orgasms. I only have experience with masturbating.

Voyeur's picture

I've had problems with both ways, except with one lover. I was given a lot of negative reinforcement over the years, so I don't seek it. I found out that there is some dark place in a man that thinks giving someone pleasure makes him all powerful (which usually leads instantly to him being a jerk).

I haven't tried to have sex (alone or with someone) in over 8 years. I haven't had a non-painful orgasm in over 9 years (except when I'm asleep).

If I decide to become active with someone again it will be for the intimacy in the act and not the orgasm.

annekat's picture

Petitioner

well. it seems like i am the minority in this thread (but maybe not in the world? who knows) because I too have never had an orgasm. not for lack of trying, oh, i have tried, and when i was with my ex, we tried.. a lot
i'm pretty sure i have gotten half way there, but can't continue,
i asked a sex therapist once and she said that it was probably because my body doesn't know how to react and if i can have one once it will register what is happening or something.

it's all good though, i enjoy sex none-the-less and even getting partway there is better than nothing.
i am slightly envious of all of you multi-orgasmers though. oh well
(i'm also only 22 and haven't been with that many people so maybe it will happen one day. who knows)

TheFerret's picture

Devotee

"weird" in the funny, but good way.
I'm more with Andrea. I can certainly orgasm every time we have sex, but more than once won't happen. I've tried. With him and alone. I just get frustrated trying to get that 2nd one and that kills any enjoyment. Leaves me feeling I seriously missed something.
Our last session, the unusual happened, and I didn't come. Couldn't. Oddly enough, I was still satisfied and wasn't frustrated. I still enjoyed myself.

The bigger problem is when I've climaxed, and he hasn't yet and takes quite awhile to finish. I start getting raw, over-stimulated, and really really irritated.

A's picture

Postulant

I've seen women discussing it on documentaries or HBO specials, but not IRL.

I'm funny, I think, in that the older I get, the longer it takes me to achieve orgasm during sex. Or, sometimes I wonder if I'm jilling-off too frequently and my clit has become a little desensitized over time. It's not consistent, tho. Sometimes it's just like it always was, but a little more often it takes longer than it "should" or normally did. Hubby's mad skillz haven't declined, he just keeps getting better. There's a particular position that hits my g-spot that I call the "instant orgasm position" and if all else fails, that usually works.

Hubby has NEVER minded me reaching down and helping things along during sex to get the big O--he says it's a relief to have the pressure taken off of him sometimes to "get me there." The pressure is on his side, not mine, he feels selfish and inadequate if I don't O, too, even after years of me saying, "it's OK if I don't." Which it usually is. If I can't get off during sex, I can always jill-off afterwards, which is fun, too. Especially when he helps. Hmmm....

I've never heard of anyone being like me, going from easy to inconsistent. Could be hormonal. My mother started to get wonky hormonal issues at my age, I dunno.

Honey's picture

I'm easy in that lots of things stimulate me to orgasm, and once I start I can keep going and going. I can orgasm from having my nipples sucked, clitoral stimulation, vaginal stimulation, or anal. I have an especial fondness for a combination of clitoral and vaginal. I like orgasming from oral, but I really like intercourse too. I enjoy sex sessions most when they include a good amount of vaginal intercourse, it just feels very good to me. It can even be finger insertion.

I'm hard in that it really does take me some time to get fully worked up, and I need a partner that's patient with that process. Once I've come once, it's likely to happen again as long as I continue to be stimulated in some way. So the best set up for me with a partner that doesn't orgasm more than once is to get worked up to orgasm one way or another, and then I can stay excited as long as my partner wants to play.

I also have female ejaculations from time to time. It happens fairly often, but it depends on how relaxed, excited and hydrated I am. Once I start ejaculating, it's likely to keep happening as long as I get simulated. Which means I should probably have a waterproof mattress cover, or a layer of towels under me on the bed. What seems to be different about me is that I can't make myself ejaculate, and I have better orgasms with a partner than I do alone. When I do it myself, I have to concentrate on hitting the right spot and keeping the stimulation there, and I'm so busy masturbating that I can't relax as much, and therefore don't orgasm with as much intensity. With a partner, I can relax and let it happen.

GreenGlass's picture

Supplicant

Bleh, I hope it gets easier for me as time goes on. For me, I have to try really hard to make sure I orgasm, but it's definitely possible with just intercourse because I get clitoral stimulation in most of our positions. I never orgasm with anal, ever. Oral definitely can get me off, but not without something more than just me receiving. I'm pretty sure that last one's psychological. I can get off more reliably alone, but not nearly as well.

Someone's picture

Postulant

So, I'm in an even weirder situation: I'm a guy, and I can't get off from intercourse.

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

It's certainly less common than women not being able to orgasm during intercourse, but it's not unheard of, either.

Two possible causes I can think of off the top of my head are anti-depressants and death-grip-style masturbation, although there is a host of other potential reasons for this, too

Clare-Dragonfly's picture

Supplicant

Do you orgasm with a partner at all? I ask because my boyfriend seems to have the same problem. I think it's just a lube issue (I produce plenty at first, but seem to run out after a short while), but I'm not sure. And honestly, though I know it's not my fault in any way, it's kind of depressing for me to be unable to get him off. So I'd definitely love to hear from someone else with the issue.

Someone's picture

Postulant

My girlfriend has discovered that she can get me off with her hands. But that too takes quite awhile, and didn't work for the longest time.

Marri's picture

Supplicant

One of the guys I'm with takes a really long time to get off. Combining hands, mouth and sex works... eventually... but it just takes him a reeeeally long time. -shrugs- I guess from our experience, the more friction the better (avoid lube and skip condoms if y'all are comfortable with it) and variety, variety, variety.

girlthing's picture

Petitioner

orgasm during sex is very rare for me. it's the heat and the intensity that I like, so it hasnt been a problem for me yet. masturbation easily gives me orgasms, but isn't as exciting as actual sex. so I've found ways to work them both into my life so far. perhaps things will change when I get to move in with the significant other and get out of my current rut.

Nye's picture

Supplicant

I don't orgasm often with others. For a long time it was not at all, but I've had a partner here and there now over the years that have managed. It's just not easy, and it's never the same path twice, so I can't exactly coach, either.

On the other hand, I love sex, and I enjoy it immensely. It's just not all about the orgasm.

Pedes's picture

Postulant

Hmm, I can't say much about intercourse but I found out that orgasm was something to learn. At first I thought I'm unable to, now I know how to get it by myself. Now, if only I could find a fitting partner I could check the other way... Oh for godness sake I'm 24 XD But the thing is I got interested in sex quite late, yet from that moment I've read much, maybe too much on the subject... it's intimidating that I know lot more than people who have "experience".
Yet when you waited that long there is a problem... My hormones are really acting up sometimes and there is that little problem: after waiting for so long it would be stupid to have the first time with an Anybody, then again... How long do you want to wait until the right person appears? (Well, I had a person who I thought would be right, but it appeared we were uncompatibile when it - eventually didn't - came to sex).

Zaindria's picture

So uh.. yeah. Longtime reader, new poster. Hello! I go through these topics sometimes, but normally I don't post, but this is a particular subject that bugs me.

I'm not sure if something's wrong with me, or if i'm just not doing it right, but it's extremely hard for me to orgasm. I can't orgasm via masturbation at all, and it doesn't even feel all that good. Clitoral stimulation to me is sort of uncomfortable, especially if anything other than extremely light pressure is involved. I've never tried toys, partially from being too shy to go out and buy anything, and not knowing what is good for me and finally..well, lack of finances.

I have an extremely attentive partner and our sex life is frequent and satisfying, but the only way I can come to orgasm with him is generally me on top while attempting a rocking/grinding motion. Sometimes it occurs in missionary, as long as I angle my hips upward. No other position gets me there except anal, and again that requires me being on top. My orgasms also don't last very long..five to ten seconds, leaving me wondering if what I am experiencing really IS an orgasm, or just a precursor to a destination I never quite arrived at. It sure feels good, and it leaves me aching for more, but I never get past that point. It's a bit embarrassing to admit at 25 i'm not even sure if what i'm having is a 'real' orgasm, or what a 'real' one even is. But eh.. considering the rest of what i've said, I guess the cat's out of the bag and then some!

I hear so many women here have an easier time orgasming via masturbation, and it's just not the case for me. I wish I knew why. I've tried many different methods and masturbation usually just makes me frustrated quickly and prone to lose interest. I stopped trying several years ago, having given up on getting anything out of it.

My guess is I have some physical..quirk, or i'm just not doing things right. That's not to say i'm unhappy, just a bit puzzled perhaps. because I still find the experience of sex satisfying, I just.. I don't know, I guess it's just something that's always made me wonder.

Pedes's picture

Postulant

There is nothing "wrong" as people are different.
Maybe you just haven't found your "spot" yet; and I'm not talking of physical, but...
OK, I can't say if maybe I am the weird one, but when I'm alone for me it's 70-80% what happens in the head, not what happens physically. I get off on fantasies and I'm almost never me in them. So if I get the right one for the mood etc. it all goes well, if not.. I can change it Smile And as fantasies are 100% yours you can have what you want there and just experiment in your head with things you'd never do in reality Biggrin Damn, once I orgasmed without doing anything at all, and it was one of the first time I got there XD

GreenGlass's picture

Supplicant

I'm going to agree with the above post and add a little. Masturbation isn't all that. People are different, there's nothing "wrong" with the way you work. Masturbation sort of 'worked' for me, but it never really satisfied my sex drive. I just kept doing it because I did experience pleasure, until I was physically tired of it. I was not at all satisfied by the plain physical experience. What goes on in my head is a much stronger indication of pleasure, and on the other hand... that physical exhaustion thing I just mentioned? I can only get off lying on my stomach, humping, touching my clit through the outside of my labia, preferably over tight clothing. It makes my legs hurt. And it is NOT convenient or comfortable. I have to loose myself in the moment so I forget how ridiculous the whole thing is.

If you can't do it... well, then maybe orgasm isn't the thing to focus on. Just explore what you enjoy and what you've got. Satisfaction is about a lot of different things. Masturbation can be an annoyance as well. I sure don't do it much now that I can have sex. That's just me. You be you!

Pedes's picture

Postulant

I must admit I started with fantasies and only after some time I felt the need to hmm, enhance the experience ;P

But that really is uncomfortable pose :/

Zaindria's picture

That 'spot' seems awfully elusive, haha.

I have a very vivid imagination, which i've used to great effect in many situations. I never really considered fantasies though as an outlet. On consideration, I don't know how well it'd go for me.

I guess I should do some more reading and researching, i'm sure there's plenty of resources around. It's never something I really sought as it's one of those things I just..well, mused about, got frustrated over every so often, but never actually sought a solution. I just might do so.

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