Of a Rougher Sort

I've been wanting to ask this for a while, but I'm pretty shy ^^; I enjoy *really* rough sex. Spanking, hitting, whipping, restraints, etc. I've had some accidental encounters with people who were less than understanding recently, and it was fairly upsetting for me. I'm concerned about what could happen if I were in a car wreck or something shortly after being hit. The idea that someone might be able to go after him for something that was completely consensual upsets me.

Is there anything that I can do, legal-wise, to help protect him if something should happen to me?

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Voyeur's picture

Maybe you could write a letter of some sort explaining the situation. Explain that it's in no way abuse, it's totally consensual, and that is one way how you enjoy having sex. You could sign it, date it, and keep in a safe place if you or your boyfriend ever need to use it. I think that could be sufficient enough.

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

You'd probably want a witness with contact info to sign it too... then again, if you live in one of the states where consensual "battery" is illegal then I guess the witness could be charged with aiding and abetting.

Laureril's picture

Supplicant

What about a video with a third party witness?
Snagged the idea from here : http://tinyurl.com/bmbnv2

I'm probably going to be looking at making one in the next year or so, myself - especially as my boyfriend likes to leave some pretty serious bite marks. Since he already has one strike against him for something completely unrelated... I don't want him to get in trouble if something happens to me.

Hmm, looking over Texas law real fast... Looks like bondage is just fine under 'Restraint' aaand... as long as you could argue that
a) the victim consented or there was strong evidence leading the aggressor to believe that consent was given
b) the conduct did not threaten or inflict serious bodily harm
you could argue for not guilty. I doubt that a bruise or several could be considered 'serious,' but if you're looking at something that sent you to the hospital, then there's a chance of your partner facing charges. (Section 22.06 - CONSENT AS DEFENSE TO ASSAULTIVE CONDUCT)

Voyeur's picture

Talk to your doctor about it. That way, someone that will already be included in your health care knows about it. It'll also help your doctor determine what medications and things would work best for you.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

if, that is, you've got an open-minded doctor. Ours is. But then, with my physical situation these days, really rough play is out.

amiciaN's picture

Petitioner

Laws very widely state to state, what is legal in Ohio may get you busted in Iowa, so check your local laws first. In many states bdsm play, particularly impact play, is considered battery/confinement. Many states have ruled that one cannot consent to being "battered". This is due to the complex issue of domestic abuse, where the abuse victim may refuse to prosecute (think Stockholm Syndrome). Therefore, a person may be prosecuted without your consent or assistance, indeed over your own vehement protests. Like public drunkenness, it can be considered to violate "the peace and dignity of"* the state (insert eye-roll here). That can basically mean just about anything an overly zealous prosecutor/law-making body wants it to mean.

Please don't misunderstand my point here. I'm an "owned person" myself as well as a confirmed masochist. If I go too long without a good spanking/flogging/etc., my nerves get frazzled, my cognitive abilities suffer and my emotions become much more volatile. In short, I'm a wreck without it. But I also have to understand that every time my beloved Master fulfills my needs, he is technically "breaking the law", since I live in a "no such thing as consent to battery" state. I just think one should be aware of the what the actual laws are in the state one resides in.

*This actually in the official state statute against underage drinking where I live, which I recently heard read when I was in a courtroom. (I was there as moral support to someone else only.)

fairnymph's picture

Embodiment

What state are you in? I can ask my friends who are lawyers if they practise in your state.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

To the peace and dignity language.

However, it's typically in the -indictment- rather than in the statute itself.

sarianna's picture

Devotee

Not sure where you're at, but I'm in Massachusetts and it's also a "no consent to battery" state. Fortunately, much like the law against talking on one's cell phone whilst driving (the cops do this all the time!), it doesn't ever seem to be enforced.

Voyeur's picture

Learn boxing or some other form of martial art that involves striking and make it a weekend hobby. Any bruises or marks could be reasonably assumed to be from sparing.

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

Ooh this is a very good idea.

Pedes's picture

Postulant

On the other hand how many bruises you get depends on your skin. I did karate for a few years and usually didn't have that many bruises that wouldn't pass as "normal" for someone who moves so randomly as I (I wasn't so open about the fact that I'm training); then again I need quite a strong hit or a few in the same place. One girl I sometimes paired up with had a bruise from each and every hit (it looked terrible to be honest). Still it's a great thing, martial arts Biggrin (I gave up for now due to wrist injuries, and I need that one for drawing).

Guh, I'm definitely into bondage, I hope my future partners will be OK with it XD

Davik's picture

Embodiment

It does depend a lot on the person; I never had an actual black and blue kind of bruise in all my years of martial arts. That even considers the first time that I sparred when I didn't have pads and ended up with a series of knots on the bones of both forearms from blocking; I didn't even end up with a bruise from where a red belt decided to use me as a human shield in 3 on one sparring and knocked heads with me hard enough that I had a quarter sized bump and he end up with stitches. That said, even if you don't actually bruise from those activities, you can still claim them as the reason for being messed up from bondage Smile Who's actually going to know that that horrific set of black and blue chafe marks on your wrist wasn't from you trying to escape from a wrist hold? Blum 3

Pedes's picture

Postulant

Ha, true, very true Biggrin

When I trained I didn't get that much bruises either (I'm huh, well-padded ;P). Funny thing is that I often sport two kinds of bruises even now: on my leg below mu hip (edge of the table in the living room) and on my arms (doorknobs...); the latter look like someone squeezed my arm to strongly XD

Anyway, first, get a rough lover, second, back to martial arts ;P

Capriox's picture

Embodiment

That can get entertaining on even without the masochism element! Between farm work and martial arts, I'm often nursing a bruise or three, and in our families it's a joke that if they didn't know I would win any physical match between myself and my husband, they might get suspicious...

And fyi, judo and jujitsu don't technically involve any striking, but I often get just as many bruises from jujitsu grappling (no padded gear!) as I do from karate sparring.

blwinteler's picture

Supplicant

When I was in karate I had bruises all the time. Once, I had one on my arm that made it look like I had another elbow. My husband is much bigger than I am, so people often looked at us all worried. I had to explain that I was in karate. Now, the welts on my butt were a different story. Since no one could see them, they didn't know. It has been far too long since I've had a good spanking. I would hazard to guess that in Nevada it would not become a legal issue.
Anyway, I second the suggestions about checking your local laws as well as taking up a hobby that leaves marks. Besides, martial arts are amazing. I miss karate terribly. When I can afford it, I will go back. I truly loved it.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

the boyfriend before Sir gripped me a little enthusiastically one night. The next day I had a dr's appt and the nurse nearly went ballistic: There on my arm were clear fingermark bruises. I didn't even know they were there! This boyfriend wasn't in the least bit rough with me, but the nurse insisted I take all this literature on abuse. oy. The good thing was, when I met Sir I knew to inform the doctor immediately that there would be some odd marks on me and not to freak out. Smile My doctor became Sir's doctor eventually, and everything was fine. He got used to us. Smile

TheFerret's picture

Devotee

I can understand why nurses would be so insistent a woman is abused, even if she says she's not... but some nurses need to shut the hell up.
My MIL (mother in law) fell on ice in the driveway once. Right on her nose. HUGE HUGE nosebleed, sinuses full of blood, and all the other assorted lovely mental pics. Went to the doctor. Doctor's nurse (and wife) promptly assumed my FIL is an abuser and loudly told my MIL and everybody else in the office this was so. A lot.
I have a FIL who wouldn't yell at her, let alone hit her.
That witch triggered things that started my MIL down a road of psychological problems that took years to sort out, are still being sorted out, and very nearly wrecked the whole family. No, we don't have any anger issues with that office....

Shinjinarenai's picture

Postulant

The RSS feed I have for this is located right next to my feed on Wired Science. The first articles that came up on them:
This one- Of a Rougher Sort
Scars Reveal How Triceratops Fought

http://blog.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/01/dinofight.html

I'm now wondering if maybe the Triceratops just liked rough sex. I think I'm on to something.

Anyhow, good ideas everyone. I have an amazing tendency not to bruise unless something is really, truly traumatic, which is great. Neither jiu jitsu or boyfriend bruises me. But just in case, I'll think about this.

faile486's picture

Petitioner

I was in karate for a time, but I have terrible ankles, wrists and fingers so any sport which leads to frequent broken bones or sprained ankles is a no-no for me.

I injure so easily that an ER nurse called child protective services on my parents when I was in 5th grade. In the nurses defense, my parents had two children in the ER (same nurse!) within a week, and anyone who looked at my medical history and DIDN'T question it would have to be lacking in mental facilities, or would have to know my family well.

I live in the Los Angeles area, so I'll look up battery and confinement laws. I didn't even realize that there could be a no consent law.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

absent the law, typically, consent isn't a defense. Most states have one as part of their common law.

/pedant

Wanderer's picture

My daughter was a sailing school instructor, its very easy to get bruised especially on the legs, in a small sailing dinghy. When she went to her doctor for a routine check-up in September after the summer season ended, she was questioned carefully about whether she had been abused by her parents or a boyfriend.

Marri's picture

Supplicant

I just Googled the California laws. What I found:

"In a situation like a game of football, where the action can get rough, the players are seen as having consented to physical acts that might otherwise be considered assault and battery. But even in sports, there are limits. Players must not go beyond what others have consented to.

If an individual consents to what would normally be assault and battery, that person has the capacity to consent and the consent was not given under duress or fraud, the defendant has a viable defense. However, if the alleged assault and battery causes great bodily harm or disrupts the peace, the defense of consent is unlikely to succeed. Similarly, if two people get into a fistfight, consent may not be a successful defense for either of them."

So I suppose the key would be to do what others have suggested earlier: find a witness, then leave some sort of document/video/whathaveyou that says that a) you're capable of consent b) you are consenting to whatever your boyfriend does and c) you're consenting of your own free will without coercion or duress. He could plausibly still get in trouble if he caused enough damage, but given some of the injuries I've seen in sports, I'd say it would probably take a lot. Finding a release form from a sports team somewhere in California and taking a look over it most likely wouldn't hurt either.

The website was this one: http://www.robertreeveslaw.com/CM/FSDP/PracticeCenter/Personal-Injury/As.... Not the most comprehensive of websites out there, but until I find a website dedicated to this I'll stick with this one Biggrin

ereuyi's picture

I know Tennessee is another state where you can't consent to such.

You might also consider rock climbing as an excuse for bruises, if martial arts aren't your thing. I know I pick up plenty, as well as the occasional scrape (but then I bruise easily, so yanno).

Davik's picture

Embodiment

As long as consent is given beforehand with witnesses to ensure there is no coercion, I think the state should just stay the hell out of it, but then again I'm of the opinion that it's utterly illegal for the state to try to stop any behavior of consenting adults (suicide, drugs, what have you). The flip side to this, as someone who has a close friend being beaten by her husband, domestic violence should carry a potential capital punishment.
More to the current topic, if you ever need a way to explain the bruises and martial arts aren't your style, try caving. You really don't need much gear to make the claim (construction helmet with a light duct-taped to it), and I don't think there's been a single time even with advanced gear where I came out without a half dozen bruises. One trip involving a half mile in on my stomach then a half mile out crawling on my stomach, as well as a bunch of climbing and squeezing left me with bruises pretty much everywhere my helmet, elbow pads, and knees pads didn't cover Blum 3

Marri's picture

Supplicant

Did a bit more research Biggrin The California Penal Code is searchable here:
http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/calaw.html

The Penal Code section that seemed to focus on battery was 243. I didn't find anything about consent to battery (yet) but two key things:

-Sexual battery is, in every section I saw, only considered sexual battery if you don't consent to it. Having a signed consent form should be enough to protect him from that particular charge.

-Regular battery charges are in most cases divided between 'injury' (anything treated by a doctor) and 'serious bodily injury.' They defined 'serious bodily injury' as:
"a serious impairment of physical condition, including, but not limited to, the following: loss of consciousness; concussion; bone fracture; protracted loss or impairment of function of any bodily member or organ; a wound requiring extensive suturing; and serious disfigurement."

Anything in the injury category and not the serious bodily injury category- bruises, bite marks, rope burns, etc- will probably have a lot more wiggle room as far as consent goes. So try not to break any legs, will ya? Smile

I keep debating recommending talking to a professional. Doctors are bound, mostly, by confidentiality, but what you really need is a lawyer and I don't know their confidentiality rules any more than I know their 'required to report' considerations.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

may have an annotated Cali. Code, especially if you're in Cali.
The annotations often have lots of clarifying case-law.

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