The Old Broad Rap

  • Posted on: 28 June 2011
  • By: MeiLin

Over on BPAL.org I called myself an Old Broad of BPAL ("Get off my Lawn Gnome!"); another gal said she wasn't an old broad though we're about the same age. I like being an old broad, and this is why:

I no longer feel bound by convention.
I'm out of sexual contention,
No longer an object of casual male contemplation.
It's a Manic Panic'd gray hair celebration!
I'm too old to care about my mother's condemnation--
An old broad like me has no time for prevarication.
I'm not old enough yet to collect on my pension,
But I'm old enough to no longer fear reinvention
Even though I still fear water retention.
Get that Red Hat shit out of my immediate location!
You took that awesome poem and made it a commercial fabrication.
So that's why I call myself an OBB.
If you think I think I'm rapping, then you're out of your tree.

Peace out.

Wink

Comments

Tigger's picture

Supplicant

My mom would have loved this. She absolutely loved the "When I'm an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple" poem...and she died her hair purple. And blue. And red/white/blue for the 4th of July, orange/black for Halloween, red/green for Christmas...and different shades of purple at random. She had a white car with a purple stripe on it. Mom made her hairdresser (Kris) promise that when she died, Kris would dye mom's hair purple for the funeral. And she did - part of it. Moms CASKET was purple and Kris didn't want the shades to clash. Smile

Yes, I do believe mom would have loved this "rap".

Tigger's picture
MeiLin's picture

Most High

No1 is old enough now, though, that she's started to reply, "Be nice to me, I'm the one who'll be changing your Depends."

Tigger's picture

Supplicant

tell me parents to be nice to me because I'll be the one choosing their nursing homes. Smile Mom didn't make it that far, and I doubt Dad will ever need one. Man is healthy as a horse and extremely independent. Not that he'd probably mind being in on as long as they are social! He's a terrible flirt, always has been, and more social than I realized when I was younger.

Kittae's picture

Postulant

I hope this isn't rude to say, but I want to be like you when I grow up.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

Don't wait! Biggrin

Er, that sounds totally egotistical. What I mean is: Don't wait till later to be who you are now. When you're younger you hear that all the time but it's hard to do; there are all these expectations and pressures. Screw that. Do it now.

Tigger's picture

Supplicant

There's also... "mom, you're too old to be doing that stuff now!" because you haven't been doing it all along. I remember when mom started dying her hair purple - I was utterly shocked. And then the red/white/blue, I was totally embarrassed...and I was 24! Do things NOW so that you don't get harassed when you do them as an "old person". Biggrin

A's picture

Postulant

And I will pester you until you do.

NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

I beg to differ on points two and three...

MeiLin's picture

Most High

I'm saying I can walk down the street and not feel the constant casual male calculation of "Is she hot or is she not?" The eye trips more easily over me now than it did when I was 20, and I am heartily, heartily glad of it.

Add new comment

Get an exclusive free ebook from the world of the Intimate History! Exclusive content, contests, new releases and more.