Wedding Updates pt. 1

Alright...So J and I were planning to have a small wedding in Atlanta with just immediate family next month. Turns out we can't do that. The reasons you ask? Well let me spin you a yarn.

Me: I was initially going to invite my parents, my grandmother (on my mom's side), my uncle (who is more like my dad then my actual dad), and my cousin (who is going to my be maid of honor). Well, my mama reminded me that I'd hurt my great grandmother's (again on her side) feelings if I didn't invite her to it. I'd also be hurting my other grandmother's (on my dad's side) feelings if she wasn't invited.

I wasn't inviting Grandma M (Dad's mom) because I'm closer to Grandma G than she is. My family is a bit dysfunctional in the fact that my Uncle and Grandma are considered part of my immediate family as they have always been there. Grandma M was more of a summer time grandma. That and she was always a bit...stricter than Grandma G.

Oh did I mention the fact that Grandma G coerced me into moving the small wedding in MS? Yeah, she's only willing to drive to Jackson. 0_0

J: His parents/siblings have a lot of stuff going on in June. His mother has to work the weekend of the ninth. His sister's birthday is that following weekend. His brother can't come to a wedding during the weekend of the 25th because he was going to Jackson for the 4th. We can't have it the first weekend in July because that's my mama's birthday weekend.

So far it looks like we'll either just go to the JoP or have it in July...which isn't looking good either.

This was supposed to be stress free I tell you!

Forums: 
NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

Is the one where the two of you elope to a honeymoon location, get married there, and throw a party later. Send out the party invites, with /place/, /time/, and RSVP.

Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

awesome to do. But I've got 3 grandmothers. Nothing in regards to a wedding will ever be stress free.

NorthwoodsMan's picture

Embodiment

They are family, just like everyone else is family. And if you try to accomidate one side, there will be animosity from the other. This is your wedding, do it for you, not everyone else. /voice of experiance.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

...with the party pre-planned. Don't invite NOBODY. That way you'll wound everyone's feelings equally. Smile Actually, you'll be able to say, "Don't feel bad, we're having the party for everyone on X at X and you are absolutely invited to celebrate with us then. We'll even renew our vows. We just needed to get this over with because [give plausible reason--ours was health insurance--he had it, I needed it]."

You want stress-free that's the only way to do it. That's more or less how we did it. We got married under a tree in our back yard with three days' notice. Told everyone we knew it was happening, be there or not, and then we spent the night at a cool nearby B&B (McMenamin's Edgefield). As I said elsewhere, we still haven't had that party, which is why I suggest scheduling it now and planning for it as if it were an actual wedding. You can even wear the dress and renew vows blah blah blah. Smile

Or you can do like one of my best friends did: They secretly got married in a simple courtroom ceremony and didn't tell anyone. Then they had the "wedding" about a year later. Few of us were the wiser. They did it to adopt a child who needed to be adopted ASAP--private adoption among friends--and they had to be married.

Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

is that both my mama and his parents both would understand if we went to the JOP. We were doing the small wedding because we were trying to be nice I guess you could say.

We do plan on having a large vowel renewal and I'd so prefer not to be stressed over planning two ceremonies. I'm trying to see what he says.

Tigger's picture

Supplicant

What is this "stress free" you speak of in terms of a wedding? Let me tell you what happened when I married my current husband (I phrase it that way because I got divorced 11 years ago):

I'll start with the engagement. I was working and attending a class at a business school, he was working fast food. He had a day off that I had class and was supposed to clean the house. Instead, I was unable to reach him at all the whole day. A friend said he was out shopping with another female "friend" (one I don't trust) and his phone was probably dead. I get home from class and he's not there still...and the dishwasher caught on fire while we were gone. It turns out he'd driven 150 miles to ask my parents for permission to marry me - only he wanted his best friend to go with him and agreed to help him move ONE piece of furniture that ended up taking several hours. Instead of leaving at noon (which would have given him time to get there and back before I got out of class) he didn't leave until 2. I finally found out where he was after I called the first mentioned friend and she called her boyfriend (my husbands best friend who was with him) and told him I was irate. Husband called me and told me what was going on. There was still much fury by the time he got home.

Fast forward a few months (that was in June, this is September). He starts having trouble with an old injury and needed treatment. I had health insurance, he didn't. We decided to JoP it so we could get him on. We were already engaged and planning a wedding for the following June anyways. THIS part actually went well. We gave 3 weeks notice to our parents and they were all able to be there. The aforementioned friends? Got married the same day, same judge, 30 minutes before us.

Fast forward again to the following June. We ended up cycling between 6 dates in May and June before finally finding one everyone could do, which happened to be the day before my birthday. My mother-in-law is a seamstress and was going to make my dress, the bridesmaids dresses, my husbands outfit (a tunic) and the matching outfit for the ringbearer. I gave her all the material and patterns in NOVEMBER. She? Was still sowing them the day of the wedding! One of the girls had her dress gathered in the back with a HAIR TIE because it was too big. The wedding was supposed to start at 2, it didn't start until 7. The person who was supposed to be the minister (he is ordained, but we were already married so it didn't really need to be legalized) got arrested 2 days before the wedding. The DJ's? Decided the day before that they couldn't do it because there was another event they had to go to. Husbands uncle stepped into the role of minister - but we had to hurry and write the vows again, because the first person had the only copy! Husbands nephews ended up being DJ's. It was a freaking disaster and all I can say is this: At least we were already married. None of it mattered in the end because we were already legalized and this was just a party. Had this been the real thing I might have decided it was a sign that I shouldn't marry him, and I wouldn't be sitting here at our joint computer starting at our son. Smile

Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

:O I'm praying that when the time comes for the formal wedding things well go smoothly. I've been talking to him and he seems OK with going to the JOP. The problem I'm having is that we're getting married in June. That's one of the peak wedding months. I wanted to initially get married in April so we could save money. But things happen when they are supposed to, not always the way you plan them.

I've got a lot of stuff planned for the formal wedding. A dress, bridesmaid dresses, a location etc. I just hope it doesn't go all to hell. Murphy...his laws are true.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

...went off without a hitch. We joke that it would have been perfect except the groom showed up. Seriously, it was an awesome party, but I knew even then that I had no business marrying that man. Two years later we were separated, the divorce a year after that. Stupid Mei. So when the current hubby was getting so stressed out by the big hoo-ha wedding that he couldn't set a date we just said fuck it and did the quickie. My brother married us, it was a wonderful if very impromptu day, and we're happy we didn't spend the money.

Andrea's picture

Supplicant

That sounds really crazy Shocked I hope it all works out -- definitely don't feel guilty if you opt for the elopement or a short-notice "come if you can" wedding like Mei did! It's YOUR wedding.

Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

it that way. I'd have no problem going to the JOP. He's trying to make a small wedding work. He wants the whole all or nothing deal with it though. Can't make him see reason. We still have no date.

TheBoy's picture

Embodiment

When you say "the whole all or nothing deal," what do you mean?

Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

he wants to the pre wedding (His mom and dad, brother and sister, and 2 friends) to be able to come. If they can't he doesn't want to have the pre wedding at all.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

...or have the big wedding early. If he wants everyone at the "pre-wedding," it's not a pre-wedding any more. So you're going to need to sit down and weigh out all your wants, needs and options, and make the best compromises you can.

Pikachu42's picture

Embodiment

everyone that's on the guest list. Just his immediate family. Mom, Dad etc. That's it. I'm leaning toward the JOP. Apparently you go to the court unmarried and leave married.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

Both my sister and my MIL (2nd time) got married at the courthouse. Easy peasy.

blwinteler's picture

Supplicant

We were never actually engaged so much as accepted we would be married eventually. He had the idea we'd get married in 2000 and was waiting to propose when it was just right. Well, February 1999 we found out I was pregnant. We decided we would get married earlier. The date had to be May 17th. When we first got together in high school, that was the date. Then we were apart for a while (his family moved away). We happened to get back together on May 17th a few years later, so it was the date we had to get married. We had moved to Albuquerque to be able to have my mom help out while I was pregnant and then with the baby. We didn't really have time to plan a nice big wedding, so decided on JoP. No judge was available in Albuquerque on a Monday. So, we decided to visit D's parents in Vegas and get married there. We told his dad, but not his mom (who had been disappointed that she'd miss us getting married). We got to Vegas while she was at work. She came home to see us there Smile
Anyway, I wore a nice dress and he wore a suit and we had his parents and a couple friends with us. It was simple, low-stress. We had planned to renew our vows and do a nice wedding at our 5th anniversary. When that passed, we decided on our 10th. We just passed our 12th. It isn't going to happen.

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