Help! My mom threatened to kill my boyfriend
I know this sounds ridiculously dramatic, but I really need some quick advice. My mom, the same one who hated my boyfriend "B" in this thread -- http://www.meilinmiranda.com/node/2692 -- has now started talking about killing B, and I have no idea how seriously to take her.
*** For tl;dr version, skip to "*** *** ***".
I've been trying to walk away when she talks badly about him, especially when she's vulgar about it, and I pretend to ignore her when I can't walk away (like when I'm driving with her). The ignore/walk away approach seemed like it worked at first -- my mom got to get some of her hatred out of her system, and my silence meant that she got the last word, so she didn't feel the need to express herself further.
Lately, though, she's started ranting longer, especially when she drinks. And two times now, that's involved her talking about killing B.
The first time, on May 6th, my mom had been ranting belligerently about B for a while. As I was driving her and my dad home from dinner, she finally told my dad, "Hey, you're not going to be around much longer, why don't you kill him?"
Me: "If you ever do anything to hurt him, I will never speak to you again."
My mom replied in a light-hearted sarcastic way, "Who cares? We'd be happy, and HE couldn't impregnate you with his lazy sperm." I ignored everything after that.
The second incident: Tonight, while my mom was on the phone with my sister, she started talking about getting a machine gun (which I'm pretty sure is illegal) and killing B. She said that she could understand where C (my violent ex who disliked B) was coming from: "I want to call C up and tell him, hey! Let's take this guy out!" I also heard her say, "Osama's gone, B's next!" and "Do you hear that, Andrea? It's in YOUR control whether I kill him. You are in control." She was so upset that she was almost crying at some points, and she was very angry -- "righteously" angry.
I had been trying to ignore the conversation because Mom gets in these moods a lot, but when I eventually tried to leave the room to get away from her, she danced giddily over to intercept me and got all up in my personal space, moving the phone around and saying, "Hey Andrea! Hey! How ya doin? " I finally snapped and screamed, "Don't you EVER talk about hurting someone I love. I hate you! Get away from me!" (I never talk that way to anyone, and I don't actually hate her, but right now I'm getting pretty darn close.) I later overheard her saying, "Well, if talking like that's the only way to get through to her..."
*** *** *** Anyway, I talked to the non-emergency sheriff's office to see what the appropriate course of action is, and here's my current plan:
- Pack up my stuff tonight so I can move out if I have to (because I'm currently living with my parents).
- Keep things as low-key as possible tomorrow morning.
- Go talk to someone at the sheriff's office tomorrow (with B) to get the incident on record.
- Get a restraining order so my mom can't go anywhere near B.
- Prepare myself to deal with my mom's reaction to the police talking to her about this (she will be livid, partly because she thinks she's RIGHT, partly because she could otherwise blow the whole thing off as "joking," and partly because of what the neighbors will think when they see the police car).
- Tell my mom that if she ever mentions being violent to B again, I WILL move out.
- If she mentions it again, move out. I'll have a friend ready to rent a U-HAUL and bring it over ASAP.
- If Mom gives me any trouble about taking my stuff, call the sheriff's office for some sort of escort. (I'll make sure that I could actually do this; I'll ask about it when I visit the sheriff's office earlier in the day.)
I'm trying to get packed up tonight so that I can do that last one tomorrow when I get home from the sheriff's office. There's a chance that the sheriff's people won't be able to help if needed, in which case all hell will break loose when the police contact my mom to talk to her about the threats. So, what do you guys think? Thoughts? Suggestions?