Ranting for a bit
Before I start ranting: Yes, I know I should be ignoring him outright. I'm just being selfish cause I don't want to. Kay? Kay. Tl;dr at the bottom.
So I broke up with my boyfriend finally the morning of Halloween. Except for hard-to-coordinate schedules, there wasn't actually all that much wrong, I was just feeling... stifled, I guess. I haven't been single much. I got into a relationship my freshman year of high school, and with the exception of some brief periods of open relationships (which I didn't get to take a huge amount of advantage of, cause in my experience boys are not nearly as okay with them as they claim they are) I haven't been single for more than a month or two since. I went straight from high school boy to just-broke-up-with boy. And I'm in COLLEGE. When I'm in a relationship I feel like I have to be Good and Behave and I get all Domestic and fussy. Which admittedly I rather enjoy, but it was starting to wear on me.
So I told him I needed some time to be single in college and have fun. I'm leaving for Beijing in the spring anyway, and we'd decided we didn't want to do long distance relationships anyway. It's not like he was expecting me to be around for the long haul or anything. (Or he certainly shouldn't have been; he's the one who hates long distance). But we agreed to keep hooking up. If nothing else, after a year and some, we know each other's preferences very very well.
Thus my comment at the top. I know a FWB thing after a year long relationship is going to be an emotional disaster for both of us. But I'm still so in love with him I can't convince myself to do anything else.
We didn't act any differently the first few days. We both found someone else to hook up with on Halloween, but otherwise we were still just doing same old same old. Then on that Wednesday I had some drinks at the fraternity I hang out with, and didn't feel comfortable driving to his place, so I texted him that I was staying there. And he didn't get the text message for whatever service failure reason, and started freaking out at 6am and called me to find out if I was hooking up with anyone. So we decided two days later that maybe a little emotional distance would be good, since he clearly couldn't handle "what we had before but with other people allowed."
So... now I'm swamped with homework and sick, and he's on a business trip out east for a week. This is where we are.
SO HOW CAN HE BE SULKING ABOUT MY NOT TALKING TO HIM ENOUGH?
If I really wanted to, I could probably come up with a whole long list of things he's done recently that pissed me off, but I really don't care about them that much. They piss me off briefly, then I remember exactly how much I've turned his life upside down, and it kills the anger dead just like that. But today we were IMing and he starts complaining about how he keeps trying to make time to talk to me and I keep rebuffing him.
Not that I haven't been "rebuffing" him. I've had homework and I've been sick and sleeping weird hours, which is not helped by the time difference. So he'll look for me online and I'll be doing homework, or napping, or eating dinner, or whatever. I also spend a lot of time at the bookstore reading, but that's my emotional crutch to keep me stable and admitting that to him is... not something I'd like to do at this point.
But where does that leave me? He's NOT my boyfriend any more. I'm under no particular obligation to keep in contact with him 24/7. I certainly enjoy talking to him when I have free time, but our schedules are almost literally opposite right now. I'm not going to blow off naps if I need them; I'm SICK. I'm not going to admit to the bookstore thing. I'm sure as hell not blowing off schoolwork.
He argues that I should've done more work this weekend. Okay, maybe. I was not very organized about my homework, this is true. But minor food poisoning Saturday morning aside, I had a GREAT weekend. I went to Special Dinner with my friend Sarah, and dressed as a witch in my awesomeawesomeawesome new corset, and got to play lots of games of 10 Fingers with some close friends and some new friends, and watched Die Hard, and did 8 loads of laundry FINALLY, and saw my friend Melearlin for a while, and partied with the fencing team, and found a cute boy for Saturday night, and generally had a blast. There's no reason I can see that I should've felt compelled to do more of my homework early (since I actually did a fair bit of it).
And again... R, you're not my boyfriend any more. I'm not SUPPOSED to talk to you as much. YOU asked ME to put more distance. I'm supposed to just be a FWB. Remember? When I told you I was sick and instead of telling me to get well soon, you told me I had two days to get better? Cause God forbid I can't sleep with you Thursday in the 24 hours between you getting back and me leaving for Thanksgiving. If you want me to make time to talk to you, you owe me at least a 'feel better' before you start whining about possibly missing sex.
Just ARGH. If he wants emotional distance, he wants emotional distance. If he wants me to talk to him more, try to have more time at the same times he does, I could probably work that out too. But for the love of GOD make up your MIND. You were so normal for the last two years! You don't get to turn into a four year old now. I know you've always treated me a lot better than I've treated you, and if you wanted to complain about my treatment of you there's probably a lot of justification there, but please at least TRY to keep your requests from being COMPLETELY CONTRADICTORY.
Tl;dr: R and I broke up; we still hook up but he's asked for emotional distance. Yet he has been complaining that I don't talk to him enough.
Advice appreciated but not the purpose... I mostly just wanted to vent. I've got an over developed guilt complex so typing at a computer is one of the few ways I actually CAN vent without subconsciously getting talked into one viewpoint or another by someone's responses or even expressions.