How can I temporarily forget that my SO is mad at me?
I have a problem that I need to put out of my mind until Friday.
My boyfriend is really against all mind-altering substances, especially anything that gives anyone an unfair advantage. I took an ADHD drug from an old prescription of mine that I never finished. I hadn't taken any ADHD meds for a few years but I have a big test coming up, so I took a small dose to help me focus and to expose our relationship to its only real weakness. Foolish, no? He and I have talked extensively about this drug in the past (why each of us has our respective views, etc). We never really had any resolution, but he was aware that I might decide to take it at some point. Anyway, I told him over the phone what I did, and he told me what he thinks of me (basically that I have no passion, no work ethic, and that I'm morally blinded by my desire to get the grades I want) and that he's not going to talk to me until Friday. I think there's a possibility that this issue will eventually lead to us breaking up.
This has never happened before -- we always talk about things sooner rather than later -- and emotionally I have absolutely no idea how to deal with it. I want to give him his space, AND I have the huge test on Thursday that I need to study for, so I need to stop ruminating and stop anxiously checking my email account in case he decided to write to me about it. He's one of maybe two people that I can completely (well, apparently ALMOST completely) be myself around Part of me thinks that I'd rather be controlled for the rest of my life than do anything to jeopardize this relationship -- I mean, really, over a DRUG? Who cares about drugs when there are human connections on the line? This is the only serious disagreement we've ever had. I just worry about what would happen if we had a child who needed to be put on antidepressants or something someday.
So: What do you do when you need to put something like this out of your mind? Advice on the situation itself is also appreciated, but I REALLY need to study. Oh, and the drug doesn't help with this. It takes away the boredom of bookwork, but it doesn't take away the distractions of loneliness and of not being able to work out one's interpersonal problems.
In case anyone reads this and thinks, "You should break up with someone who tries to be that controlling," here's my thought: I'm not going to be the one to say, "I'm breaking up with you." I just showed him the exact part of myself that he's uncomfortable with, and I gave him fair warning. Theoretically, if he can't deal with it, then I don't have to worry about being controlled because he'll leave me. It's just really painful waiting for DAYS to hear whether or not I'm going to be rejected, and even when Friday does come, it probably won't bring a definitive answer. Maybe actually taking the drug was a bad decision, but what's done is done. I might be regretful for its repercussions, but I'm not sorry.