A new prologue

  • Posted on: 27 April 2008
  • By: MeiLin

I've added a prologue to the entire set of stories. It gives a glimpse ten years into the future, when Temmin is king. I'm trying to give people a better entree into the world than chapter 1. Tell me what you think.

Comments

Kitabare's picture

Petitioner

I like the idea of having a better prologue. But I think we're jumping too far into the story. Or maybe it's just that having Teacher start Temmin's story when he was asked for his own just seems... cheap? Odd? Weird? Not sure, but not quite right.

Starting it with Temmin already king is not a bad idea. But maybe have him looking at his reflection and see his old self in it. Have him remember vaguely seeing his own reflection while looking in another window... the one on the train.

Just my opinion.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

Because Teacher doesn't start Temmin's story. We don't get to hear the story that begins in the prologue for ten more years of story time. aagh! back to the drawring board. One nice thing about this web business? you can revise.

Kitabare's picture

Petitioner

I did realize that might be the case. But I figured I'd let you know how it looked so that if it wasn't what you intended you could attempt to mold it into what you did.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

Or am fixing it. Pasting now. Thanks.

Kitabare's picture

Petitioner

Was composing mine before I read this comment. Still feel free to use or ignore it as you wish. I relinquish all rights to it, but only to you. I find anyone else using my idea and I'll have to way to hurt them.

Kitabare's picture

Petitioner

The king frowned slightly, but continued on. "I'm holding you to your promise to tell me everything about you."

"I've made the same promise to all of you, and those who take me up on it do so on your coronation days."

"Am I so like my ancestors?"

asked Temmin as he turned to look back at the window. The glimpse of himself in the glass again reminded him of that reflection so long ago. In only ten years so much had happened that it seemed ages. And yet he still remembered it clearly enough he could see the faint reflection of his boyish in the window of the train as he watch the land passing by all those years ago.

Feel free to take the idea and warp it, mold it, place it where you will, make it your own, or even ignore it.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

not that it's bad, but not where I wanna go. I'm happy with the fix I've made now.

Kitabare's picture

Petitioner

Ok, I need to not try to be commenting on here when I know you are. We just keep replying to each other in different comments and sorta canceling some of them out. Blum 3

Dani's picture

The new prologue feels odd. I've been reading the story for about a month now and am completely addicted but the new prologue feels like i've skipped to the back of the book and then tried to start the book. Thats just me though it might work for other people.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

You're right, that's kinda what it feels like. But if you pick up your average scifi/fantasy paperback at the supermarket, you'll see that that's EXACTLY what they do. There's always a longish blurb from the middle or beginning of the book in italics at the very front of the book, in with all the "ZOMG THIS IS THE BEST BOOK EVAR" quotations from other scifi/fantasy book writers and the title page. Usually this blurb is the first thing you see when you open the book. That's why right now the prologue is our home page. And if google analytics is to be believed, it's working. Smile

TheGrayCrayon's picture

Devotee

pick up a sci-fi or fantsy book on your shelf and open it. It 9 times out of 10 has the blurb. It helps to tell the reader something of what the story will be about helping the reader to decide quicker wether or not they will purchace the book ( or in this case continue to read and maybe donate for saturday stories. Smile ) I like the new prologue.

MeiLin's picture

Most High

A lot of people come here via the nekkid lady ad, expecting smut right off the top, and if I was a good girl I'd have given them that. But I'm not. I make them learn who the characters are first.

So I put a link on all the entrance pages that says "If you're looking for sex, go straight to chapter 7. Then come back and read 1 through 6 so you know what the hell's going on."

Smile

Gudy's picture

Embodiment

I'm not a big fan of those blurbs out of the middle of the book, preferring to read the first couple of pages instead, but the prologue works for me. My initial reaction was to ask you to consider clarifying that the red leather-bound book is the one Temmin learned all that history out of, but the longer I think about it, the more I believe it's better as is.

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