Three Quests | Hiatus I, 2008

One day, on the advice of his dark, scary adviser the Teacher, the wise old king decided that each of his children must set out and seek their fortunes. First to seek her fortune was Sedra, who was very, very smart and very, very beautiful. Sedra set out to the far off kingdom of Sairland, where she had heard that women were strong and fierce and a little scary, just like her! While a woman might normally fear to travel alone, Sedra knew the secrets of Eddin and could change her shape. Sedra traveled by water in the form of a seal, wrapped in a sacred seal skin. Not too long after that, Sedra was surprised to find out that the men of Sairland were strong and fierce and a little scary, too, when a devious man named Brinnid stole her sealskin as she slept. She was forced to marry him! Despite all this, Brinnid was more confusing than intimidating, and in the end, they settled down and had lots and lots of babies and lived happily ever after. And that was the first quest.

Ellika was the next child to set out to seek her fortune. Rather than going far away into the wilds of the world, Ellika searched inside her own home for a fortune to find. She liked dancing and pretty things, so the first place she searched was her wardrobe. She was startled to find a door in the back of it that had never been there before. Excited and curious, Ellika dove right through the strange, magical portal, arriving in an underground kingdom where animals talked and trees walked and fauns and nymphs danced in forest glades. Kicking off her shoes, Ellika hastened to join them, laughing with delight at the wonderful, carefree world she had found. In later years, when it was discovered that she was a Daughter of Eve, not just a nymph, she was crowned Queen of Narnia. This was very interesting and involved a lot of talking to moles. And that was the second quest.

Temmin, the youngest son and youngest child of three, was practically destined for great and interesting things, so he set out on his quest with a light heart. His faithful vassal, Jenks, came along to keep him company and make sure he dressed properly for every occasion, and together they traveled by horse and conveyance all across the land. They sought after that most elusive of things, that Temmin felt was the most important thing a prince could find: true love. He searched in dance halls like his sister Ellika, and forested woods like his sister Sedra, but it didn’t quite work out. He eventually found himself in a temple, where he met two beautiful twins named Allis and Issak. They decided they liked his looks and that he would be their love slave. He smiled, and said, “As you wish.” He thought they were lovely, but unlike his sisters he didn’t settle down to live happily ever after. Instead, he settled down to have a tremendous amount of terrifyingly hot sex.

Meanwhile, back at the palace, Teacher frowned at the air and said sternly, “Stop that immediately. You are being altogether too silly.”

And that was the end of that.