In a few weeks I hope to have my life streighten out...
Then I can maybe go back and start at the beginning of Machine God.
It has been a very bad summer for me, My son's other grandmother (my former mother in law) died in june, I had a horrible break up in July, and my own mother died in August.
My former mother in law Helen's death was sad and stupid, she ignored the signs that something was wrong for 10 years. Suddenly she can't get out of bed, is rushed to the hospital. diagnosed with very wide spread cancer, goes into a hospice care facility and is dead withing weeks. My son is an adult but he has never before really had to deal with death, so I was there for him every step of the way, while still being the primary care giver for my own aging and very ill mother.
Then the man who I know loves me, decides that no matter how much he loves me he has to try and stay with the wife he has never been honest with or faithful too. He's poly, so am I, She's 100% not poly. So poly man with non poly woman = cheating!!! And that is harmful to the non poly woman, as well as to your own heart and soul!!!
Then my mom got the word that the cancer we have been fighting for so long has started to spred and she is getting far to frail to keep treating. We set her up for home hospice, she was dead within a week.
I miss her, but I really don't want her back. Mom deserves to be free of her illness and pain.
Helen was not a real part of my life for years, her death only really effects me because it hurts my son so much.
It's being helpless as the man I have been in love with ALL OF MY ADULT LIFE. The Man I know has loved me just as long make this horrible mistake that harms all three of us so much that breaks my heart over and over again.
Right now for me ...
There Is No Joy In Muddville, Mighty Casey Has Struck OUT!!!